Boundary Stomps 24

Summary

This started as an exercise to detect patterns that JustNO's have. It is not meant to be diagnostic, nor it is meant to detail every single boundary stomp there is. There are just too many. New ones are added all the time, usually when I see a couple of posts on the same vein. There are in fact so many that I may forget and identify and put them in the document more than once. It happens. Enjoy.

Disclaimer

I guess In need to put this disclaimer in here. I get no posting Karma from this and it is not published anywhere outside of Reddit that I am aware of. I do make links into posts, so often those posts are taken down. Additionally I add short excerpts from posts that may or may not exist any longer.
If I have linked to one of your posts that you don't want to have in these I will be happy to remove it. I usually provide a short excerpt which has little or no identifying information, so if you take down the original post, there isn't really much of a breadcrumb left here, but I will be glad to remove it if you wish, just PM me.

On with the show.

Boundaries and Consequences Checklist

Index
First post
Second Post, more boundary stomps
Third Post, more boundary stomps
Fourth Post, even more boundary stomps
Fifth set of boundary stomps
Sixth set, wow.
Seventh set, oh my
Eighth set. when will it end
Ninth set. Baby Rabies and Reproductive choices
Nine "A" set of boundary stomps
Nine "B" set of boundary stomps
Nine "C" set of boundary stomps
Nine "D" set of boundary stomps
Tenth Set
Eleventh Set
Twelfth set
Thirteenth set - The Bank
Thirteenth - A - The Bank continued
Thirteenth - B - The Bank continued
Fourteenth Set, a continuation
Fifteenth Set, Boundary stomps
Sixteenth Set, Boundary Stomps
Seventeenth Set, Bounday Stomps
Eighteenth Set, Boundary Stomps
Nineteenth Set, Boundary Stomps
Twentieth Set, Moving in with MIL, MIL moving in
Twenty-first Set
Twenty-Second Set - all about manipulation
Twenty-Third Set
Twenty-Fourth Set
Twenty-Fifth Set - Unwanted

You may be interested in types of boundaries as well

Late to everything

Clearly a power play, this JustNO tactic is to make everyone wait for her to make her grand entrance. Dinner at 7:00PM? She shows up at 8:00PM and is livid that everyone, including children, did not wait for her to arrive.
Meet for an outing, like the zoo, that requires a significant time to drive, she will arrive two hours late, ensuring that you are there during the peak visiting hours in the direct sun during the baby's nap time. Movie starts at 8:25, she shows up at 9:30, and you have the tickets so someone has to miss part of the beginning to accommodate her.
She needs constant reassurance that she is the most important one of anyone. She will become belligerent if you insist that you want to leave on time. This is actually a loyalty test, and if you are upset that you missed some important (to you) event, then it means that the event was more important than her feelings and she is not as important as what you want to do. This means that she must make you understand that the consequences of failing the loyalty test are so horrible that you won't make that mistake again.

Late and last minute to everything. That’s all on MIL. Arrange every get together, outing, scheduled event, dinner reservation with her inability to be on time in mind. Do not let MIL be gatekeeper for anything, don’t share a car, let her buy your tickets, or anything else that could delay your enjoyment of the event at hand. Let her know “dinner reservations are at 7, we will see you there, if you are late we won’t wait.” Reference

More to the point, if she arrives late and then gets upset that you didn't wait, displaying her histrionics, crying, screaming, laying on the floor and kicking like a toddler. You just pick up and leave. She can enjoy the spotlight by herself. If she was to ride with you and then is late, she can drive herself and meet you there (if she can find you.) Absolutely stop playing into her hand and give absolutely zero slack in the time. In fact if the time has arrived, and you see her driving down the block, leave, she may be able to catch up to follow you. But if you wait, she will spend the next hour making sure you pay for hurting her feelings by almost leaving.
If you are in the position where she is at the location, say you were at her house early and the time has come to depart, but she starts getting huffy and throwing a fit, head to the door and leave without her. She knows what time she is supposed to leave, and she is controlling you to ensure that you give her adequate attention, and ensure that you also worship her vs. the fact that you are going to be late to the event.
Everything has to be on MIL time
Here is an example of a JustNO that has been dealt with:

My mother was chronically late for every visit. We used to hold holiday dinner for hours until she showed. Until one day, we had been out at a marathon that morning and were just too damn hungry to wait. So I cooked, we ate, I packed it all up. She rocked up 4 hours late. It was a record. She walked in full of excuses and then stopped, shocked, because the table was empty and the kitchen clean. She actually thought I hadn't cooked yet. I told her I had and we had already eaten, but if she wanted a plate, she was welcome to go fix it herself. She kept apologizing in that guilting way: Well, I'm SO SORRY, but I had to do this, that, and the other. I'd just smile and nod and say it was okay and that she didn't hold us up. She got more agitated and doing the same apology and I would respond the same way. Finally, the truth slid out. She actually said she thought we would wait for her. I laughed and was blunt and told her directly that we would no longer wait for her. Her nonsense was no longer going to impact us and that if she couldn't be bothered to show up on time, then this is how her holiday meals would always be in the future.
Then she started cancelling on the day of the holiday. Which worked for me because then I didn't have to deal with her at all. :) win!

I loathe being late and people who are late. Even typing this is making me vibrate inside. I feel like being late is disrespectful to the person/people you are meeting and it indicates you don't feel they or their time are valuable.
Why is this Naggy Nancy's fault? Well among the many selfish things she would do when we needed to go somewhere was to ride us to get out of the house, so we would all (JYD included) be waiting in the car and then out of nowhere would think if held a dozen things that couldn't possibly wait. Some were important, like turning lights off or turning on music for the dog. Most not so much, like dusting that shelf, or washing the single cup in the sink or loading/unloading the dishwasher, or changing her clothes. And then we would show up late 10, 15, 20 minutes. We showed up late to my aunt's wedding where my JYD was supposed to being doing a reading (fortunately, my aunt was having a minor wardrobe malfunction so we were able to sneak in. And if she was called on it...? You guessed it, us kids were always blamed. Link

I have a brother who is always 2 hours late and a father who disappears at any event that isn't about him. We stopped calling and texting years ago. With my dad, we don't chase him up or ask where he's been. I have no expectations of them. I just don't care any more. Link

This is quite intentional on their part and they don’t want to change because they enjoy the control, so you need to just go ahead with your life. Believe me, if you ever decide to have kids this thing that seems irritating now will become a huge major aggravation. There’s nothing worse than getting a child ready to go, then having to wait on people to show up for so long that the child becomes cranky and fussy and you have to cancel the outing altogether. I had a friend who used to do this. She would always want to do things together with the kids, but she was always late and I got sick and tired of having to wait so long for her to show up. After that we would just tell her we would meet her wherever we were going, so we didn’t waste half the day waiting for her to show up.
You don’t have to wait for people. You just don’t. Link

Oh my sister used to pull this, late for everything. One time we just sat down and ate when dinner was ready and I said to show up. She comes in 45 minutes late got all upset that we didn't wait for her. I replied that dinner was at 2, the food was ready and it would have been rude to make everyone else wait for her. Link

Canceling plans at last minute (malicious compliance)

Sometimes people are not just inconsiderate, they show up late or cancel at the last minute and make you reschedule something because they are intentionally making you bend over backwards to accommodate their wishes and fuss over them. Like most JustNO activities, this takes a special kind of asshole to take something nice that you are doing for them and turn it around as a weapon to inconvenience and get attention through a power and control move.

FIL was always extremely upset by DH doing well in life. I think he felt emasculated by it or something. FIL resented DH (even though he was the Golden Child) for being financially responsible. FIL could never properly express pride in his son and poor DH always wanted their approval and love so much. I have a theory about why sometimes fathers often resent their male Golden Child but this isn't the place for that.
Anyway, I find out today that MIL was feeling the same way on some level or enabling it in FIL. (I suspected as much but she stood to benefit from it so I think she was more careful than FIL to disguise her resentment) Apparently, one of the reasons they would cancel on us last minute is to basically waste our money on purpose. After we spent a ton on getting everything ready for them to attend a special event (like buying a lot of food because we thought we'd have a huge crowd) they'd cancel right before so that we'd have to figure out what to do with a ton of food that would spoil before we'd be able to eat it and things like that. (usually ended up giving it away to neighbors or taking it to work to share as a buffet lunch)
Same for changing the date on things... It's the same story I've seen on this board several times. At the last minute MIL calls and asks to reschedule something that can't be rescheduled without a lot of fuss, simply because they want someone to fuss over their arrival. Same with my MIL. Desperate for attention, even negative. Link

The worst was when I threw a huge birthday party for DH and he thought they were coming and they cancelled at the last minute. so when they wanted to visit for Father’s Day we said no, (mostly because they didn’t ask they just told us that’s when they planned on showing up) so they took it out on DD by telling us they would come to her birthday and saying they were bringing the whole family and we thought it would be a huge crowd, so we got a bounce house and catering and all sorts of birthday stuff for about 25-30 people and they didn’t show up. We didn’t know until it was too late. It never crossed our minds that they would take out their anger with us on DD. Link

She was dropping by my house to pick up some stuff she left behind last week. The time she said she would be there passed. Half an hour went. Then 40 minutes. She finally showed up and just sort of weakly apologized and said "I don't do time." I almost murdered her. If there is one thing I cannot stand it is people who waste my time, or treat my time with anything but respect. It's just so RUDE. If people show up at more door late (like, more than ten minutes) I expect a valid excuse like "traffic" or "dog escaped" or something. She just makes it blatantly obvious she cannot be arsed to show up when I want. And then she has the GOD DAMN AUDACITY to make passive aggressive comments about how people need to "make an appointment" to come and see me. Link

Stealing Easter Eggs from Children

On Easter Sunday morning, my three kids were unleashed into the back yard to pick up eggs. MIL kept pointing out the eggs to the kids. My husband told her to stop, because all we have is time these days! Let the kids enjoy! So she moves over to the other side of the yard. When I look over, she is stuffing eggs into her pockets. MIL didn't notice that I saw her. The kids said, "We can't find anymore!" So I said, "Great! Did you each find 25? That is how many were out there for each of you." So I told them to keep looking! MIL realizes what she has done, but won't own up to it. She walks up to my preschooler and says, "NAME! I have an egg just for you!" Makes this huge deal out of presenting it to him. Link

Destroying your Non-Stick Pans

You talk to your JustNO about how much you like your non-stick pans. She decides to clean your kitchen, and scratch all your pans so they are now unusable. Link

Fishing for compliments - manipulation - reduction to absurdity - self deprecation

Reductio ad absurdum is the art of using something so extreme that it must be discounted on it's face otherwise it would lead to an absurd, ridiculous or even comical conclusion.
Your JustNO offers a non-stop torrent of self-putdowns:
"I am an awful MotheGrandmother"
"You must hate me."
"I am old/ugly/a burden/bad cook/bad housekeepe"
On and on. You are then put in a position of agreeing (bad idea, because they will then turn it around to you have said these things, or denying these things. "Oh no, you were the most bestest mother of all and all my friends say so.")
Thing is they may have been a bad mothefathegrandparent/aunt/uncle/cousin/sistebrother, etc.
But you are now in a position where you have to give them enough compliments to overcome their statements of how awful they are, they must get their num-num compliments.

I love my mom dearly, but one habit of hers that drives me crazy is her response to any criticism with a reduction to absurdity. I'm sure you've all heard these:
"Oh, you don't want me to hug you now? Well I'm sorry I love you. I won't do that in the future."
"You think there's too much stuff in here to move around freely? Well, I just won't decorate then."
Or the classic:
"I'm sorry I was such a terrible mother. Clearly I am just a failure!"
As an adult, I recognize these tactics for what they are: an attempt to guilt me and let her escape from both a situation and having to actually examine her actions and feelings critically. I've had success in calmly sticking to my guns and pointing out that I did not say those other things and that it is possible to love someone and appreciate them while still having a nuanced opinion about what is going on. Today, while reading one of the posts in this sub, I realized a weapon that I don't think I need to use, but may help some of you (or at least be fun if you're all out of fucks to give.) When someone "apologizes" for being "so horrible," they're looking for you to back down or just start a fight. I think it would really mess with them to just say some variation of:
"Thank you for that. Your behavior has really bothered me and I appreciate that you are taking responsibility now. I'm willing to forgive you but we will need to talk about this." Link

This is the method of taking a polite request and turning it into something ridiculous. This forces you to contradict the original request and withdraw the statement.
"Oh, I talk too loud, well I will just never speak again." (I wish)
"You, you don't like me throwing away hot oil in the trash, I will just never cook again then."
"Oh, you don't like me touching your baby bump, well I guess I just can't do anything right, I will leave and never see you again, then you'll be sorry."
"I you don't like something I said or did, let me just kill myself."
These often take the form of "you called me out on something," then "I will do something ridiculous or say something over the top so that you will see how mean your asking me to have normal behavior is so crazy."

Doesn't believe in vaccines

It really doesn't matter whether they believe in vaccines, or in a certain disease that shall remain nameless, you have put a boundary in place that says that unless you are vaccinated against certain diseases, then you can't be around the newborn.

I then find out from my baby's dad when flu season rolled around that he doesn't get vaccines because his mom told him they made him sick when he was a baby. He told me his mom hasn't been vaccinated AT ALL. She doesn't believe in it and has children who attend public school, sees tons of people and their kids. I also found out she was not social distancing AT ALL. She was hanging with friends almost daily and literally attending PARTYS DURING LOCKDOWN (she was not allowed over during lockdown but STILL showed up unannounced and went right to baby didn't care what anyone had to say because "she knows best"). Link

Calling you Gay

So you aren't gay, you consider yourself straight. Your JustNO keeps calling you gay, says that they knows you are gay, and when you get defensive, they say that you only get defensive because you are gay. Not only are they demonstrating their Homophobia and lack of sensitivity, but they are seriously messed up. So since it isn't a bad thing to be gay anymore this means in most places that the person who is bullying you isn't guilty of slander. It is using a tool of reactive abuse to get you to blow up and then they point out that you are the bad guy, thus reversing the victim and the offender. When you do blow up, then they are perfectly justified in pointing out how abusive you are to them, and they were either just teasing, or making an observation. Quite the bullying tactic, and a definite no win situation. Link

Competition

"I can do anything better than you can." She is a better cook, she does laundry better, she has more money, her house is cleaner, her makeup is better, and she has nicer feet. The list just goes on. She can't stand to have your SO pay attention to you. If you are at a restaurant, she wants to sit next to SO or between you. If you mention a present, she will buy a better one first. Celebrations, she will out do anything you can come up with. Bake a birthday cake, well she always makes so their birthday cake, and it must be at her house.

This really starts to hit home when you have kids. You get a great gift for your kid for Christmas, this JustNO has to buy a bigger, better, or more expensive thing.

at Christmas and bigger baskets than us at Easter.
At Christmas this year, I told my in-laws that I’m FINALLY making my kids special bedrooms (they’ve been sleeping on Toddler mattresses on the floor until they were potty trained). I’ve worked so hard on drywall, paint, building closets and making a bunk bed for my girls. I’m nowhere near done but I’ve been so excited and worked really hard. We went to my in-laws yesterday and JNMIL starts showing my oldest all these pictures she’s saved of this amazing tree house bunk bed she’s building my kids for their house. My daughters been talking about it all day and I’m just so disappointed with the work I’ve already done on their rooms. She says “for when the kids spend the night!” even though my kids have NEVER spent the night with them. Link

Parenting Decisions

Some JustNO's just love to override parental authority. Decisions on what the child wears, what the child eats and what the children are exposed to and at what ages. Stepping on the parental alienation boundary, they plant ideas in their grandchildren's heads and set the child up for opposition. Gramma says
Maybe they don't like what you are feeding the kids. They don't like what religion you are raising them in, or what languages they speak. They don't like what you dress them in, either. You really can't do anything right.

Basically, I gave my 7yo son a sip of wine, because he asked for it and I thought it could be a teachable moment about alcohol (I knew he wouldn't like the taste, and was hoping that would keep him away from it/quell his curiosity). MIL found out, as my son told her on a facetime, and was very upset. She thinks its going to cause my son to be an alcoholic, I'm a terrible parent, I drink too much, all that jazz... call. Looking back, I made a huge mistake in telling her that, but hindsight is 20/20 unfortunately. Fast-forward, I'm done shopping, get back in the car, and open my phone to a string of texts from DH. MIL was AT THE HOUSE. during all this, with our son around?? I swear all I saw was red while I was driving home. I'm getting angry even typing this out now. I got home while she was still there and tried to keep my composure while demanding why she was at our house, to which she told me that she "needed to see what was going on around here." link

Call the police on you for kidnapping their 21 year old son

You know when someone is 21 years old, they can really go anywhere they please without having to tell you where they are or report in. So you don't drive over to their SO's house and call the police and tell them that they have kidnapped your kid. When they show up, they may be mad to find out that the "kid" is 21 and hasn't actually been kidnapped, and in fact may not even be there.

I didn't believe she actually called them until 2 cruisers showed up. The police stepped out and she started waving her arms around yelling about how her son was missing and could be anywhere, could be hidden in my house. I rolled my eyes and let her go on ranting to one of the officers while another pulled me aside to hear my story. He started writing down some details asking when was the last time I'd seen or spoken to the missing individual. I interrupted him, "Excuse me officer.. But are you aware that her son is 21 years old?"
...... He stopped writing immediately and set the pencil down, we deadpan stared at each other for a few moments. He sighed, "You're free to go ma'am." I walked away slowly to eavesdrop as he walked over and interrupted her story she was telling to ask if it was true that she called in a kidnapping on a 21 year old man. LInk

Need Just NO to do something so they start a fight and leave

You have a problem that your JustNO offers to help you solve. Something like take you to a doctor's visit. You arrange things ahead of time and ensure that she knows the particulars. Then they show up late and pick a fight and storm out, leaving you to make other arrangements to get to your appointment. This is a repeating pattern.

See the thing is with AA she doesn't like being told off even when she's in the wrong so she got up walked out the house and left in her car again. (our lovely neighbor took him but he had to walk home in crutches its 1.5hrs from the hospital) Link

Religion

Telling someone that they were going to Hell because they weren't raised in the JustNO's religion, even though they were a devout member of a different sect or a different denomination, a different religion or even agnostic or atheist. Since True religion rites are the only real rites and any other kind don't count.
Determining what religion the grandkids will participate in. Taking them to the JustNO's church without permission. Having true church rites, such as baptism, performed without the parents knowledge or permission. Link
And, of course some JustNOs never miss the opportunity to cram their religion down your throats.

“The Gospels Matthew 27 Luke 23 Mark 15 John 19 I hope each of you take the time to read one of the chapters of The Gospels today and the time to remember at 3p when Christ died.” We have told her numerous times, but she still sends us messages like this and pushes us to go to church. It makes me really angry. Link

Not Really Family

Interestingly enough, you have been married to your SO for years. Unfortunately your JustNO Inlaw doesn't actually recognize you as part of the family. Of course her child and your child are family, but you are just the incubator, and as such are completely dispensable.

Well in a conversation with DH she told him that the only people she had were DH and my son. Didn’t include me. Didn’t even mention me. Link

I just pretend to go along when people are talking, and then just do whatever I want

A passive aggressive JustNO will often just ignore what you have to say, any request you make, any boundary you set. Then they are surprised when you are upset about it. Rarely a bit of honesty shows through. They may even admit that they do this.

I say "please don't come to the hospital at 11am. I might be in the middle of having the baby. Please call before you come so I can tell you whether it's a good time or not." The next day, they showed up at 11am without calling first. I was in active labor when they showed up, and when they did, it stopped my labor cold. I just had to sit there, waiting, until 5pm when my labor finally restarted. Later, I asked her why she ignored my request to call first she said "Oh, I just pretend to go along when people are talking, and then just do whatever I want." Link

Unwanted Intimate Advice

Just ewwww, who wants advice on intimacy from their JustNO. You have never had that kind of relationship, so why now? Why me? What the flipping hell.

My FMIL just sent me a video on “how to get a WAP” which basically means a wet vag. The video talks about plants that can increase libido, s3xual performance, and vaginal dryness
I’ve never talked about my “intimate” life with her nor would I ever want to! This was out of the blue for me. Link

You can't draw too

So you have a talent. Your cousin also has a talent. Somewhere there is a JustNO that says that you both can't pursue that talent and their child is older so you have to come in second place always in this talent.
Just Crazy.

EA - “Payton This is EA. I think this is really getting out of hand. EC is really upset. I won’t tell your parents as long as you agree to not sell that drawing. You are going to ruin EC chances of becoming an artist. Please just take into consideration, she is older than you. There for she chose to be an artist before you did. You will always have to be in second place. I’m sorry, That’s just how social conducts works.”
Me - “Alright, EA. What’s sad is I know that EC actually had to have her mom text me because she doesn’t know what half of those words mean. Well. This has been a nice conversation. I shall be telling my parents about this interaction.”
Then it went quite for a bit. Then I got this last text that I.. I was not expecting
EA - “ Payton, You can not sell Your art of ANIMATED characters because that’s what EC does! HOW DARE YOU DRAW STITCH! YOU CAN NOT MAKE DRAWINGS OF EC FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTER AND SELL IT BECAUSE IF YOU SELL IT YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE THE MONEY TO EC!! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE BUSINESS AWAY FROM MY CHILD BECAUSE SHE DESERVES IT MORE THEN YOU!!!” Link

You can't go to gifted school, because your Cousin wasn't accepted

Yes, because you have some natural ability, you work hard and have gone above and beyond to make yourself a fit for the gifted school, you are not supposed to go because your smart, but doesn't apply themselves cousin didn't get accepted. Sorry to tell you but ruining my future doesn't really solve the problem of your child.

Well we get applications back, I got in, but my cousin got fourth quartered wait listed, which basically means almost 100 people have to drop out. My aunt was not happy with this. So what does my EA do? Well she calls me from my cousin's phone to berate me of course. Link

Photoshopping my kids for Facebook

When the JustNO decides that your kids don't quite measure up to the aesthetic that she wishes to portray on Facebook, then she feels perfectly justified in adjusting them to be what she wants them to be. Lighten their hair, and change their eyes to blue, whiten their teeth, until they don't look like themselves.

Then my twin girls they have hazel eyes and more of darker blonde hair, so I guess she Dosent find it appealing to her Facebook aesthetic, because this woman would face tune the shit out a 4 year olds like I wish I can show you guys because you guys, they no longer look like my daughters like she completely changes there eye color and brightens there hair in the photo and brighten teeth . She also does this to my two year old daughter that has blue eyes and a brunette like completely changes her hair color. Link

Stealing School Lunches, raiding the food bank

Your JustNO thinks it is really funny to go to the school and get the free lunches that are given out to feed children who are food insecure during periods where the school is shutdown. They also see no problem in driving up to the food bank and filling their trunk. Note that your JustNO has a steady income and they are not in poverty. It is just that the food bank does not have a way of checking that you don't have an income and rely on the inherent goodness of people to make things work. They will also take advantage of the free winter coat and other government handouts, all the while talking about how much the government is taking and how the really poor people are taking advantage of the system.

friend starts grabbing bags of the lunches and stuff on the table and says, "How many you need? You have five grandbabies you are picking up for right?" RECORD SCRATCH For the record, she has TWO grand children. MY two children. DS is 26, married and lives in another state with his expecting wife and DD who drives her to chemo on her days off. That's it. There are no five elementary school grand babies starving at home. She just stole 5 lunches from UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS Link

Well, she is...thrifty. No, that’s nice. She is CHEAP and GREEDY. she knows I cannot go so she has a going to the school meal pickups every week. She came over to drop some mail off to me and she just told me she got meals for 9 kids. NINE. That she kept to herself so she doesn’t have to go to the store for breakfast, lunch or snacks. She took food away from nine children. Link

Putting your number on Craigslist

You and your JustNO are on the outs. They have exhausted their flying monkeys, they have done the unannounced visit, they have left thousands of voicemails, and dropped thousands of texts. They are blocked on all your social media, and you have moved and left no forwarding address.
Well that is unacceptable. They somehow find out your phone number, even though you really haven't shared it with anyone (cost is a couple dollars on one of the big data websites.) They decide it is a great idea to put your phone number on Craigslist advertising sex services, or other things that people call in the middle of the night. One extreme case featured on Law and Order had someone attacked because of an advertisement.

E.g. putting our number on our local Craigslist so that random people called us all through the night about something we had no earthly idea about. Link

You must be exorcised

You have a meltdown. Instead of removing you from the situation, your JustNO decides that you need to be exorcized so she basically waterboards you while screaming for the devil to come out.

What was her response to this? "THE DEMONS FINALLY CAME!!" I vividly remember thinking "what the actual heck."when I heard that. I tried to explain that I just wanted to get in the car and relax. I was fairly non-verbal at that time so communication was not happening. This resulted in me being strapped down in the car with seat belts while my mother put a (??something idk what but it was fabric) over my mouth/nose before pouring water over my face. Basically waterboarding me while screaming out hysterical prayers to save me from the demons that were causing me to act in such "an ungodly manner". Link

Stealing your creative ideas

Mum has emailed me talking about their situation and asking me to brain storm for any creative ideas for them to make some extra cash. I responded with a couple of ideas, but the most fleshed out and best one was for them to put together boxes of ingredients for people to make their own restaurant signature meals. I was thinking people would be more comfortable preparing their own food (as Mum had said people were very worried about the safety of take away food in her area) and noted that she could theme the boxes for advertising purposes, I specifically suggested “romantic dinner for 2” or “family Sunday brunch.” I think from the title we’ve all guessed where this is going. We find a time for a video chat and spend about an hour talking last night. In that time Mum tells me all about this idea she had and basically explains my above idea back to me, right down to the romantic dinner for two specific theming idea. Link

The Wedding, or When I Learned My MIL Was Ridiculous

Three Days at the Fair--My 1st Hundred, or Holy Cow I Can’t Believe I Really Did It

At the outset, much thanks and appreciation for all the information and inspiration I’ve received from this sub since the beginning of its creation.
This is a really long race report. Sorry not sorry. It's so long it won't fit and is continued in the comments. Yes, this is after editing.
I’ve read so many reports, but written none that I’ve shared publicly. Here, I’ve included general items and descriptions in race reports that I’ve admired. If you’ve ever read a Bob Hearn race report (https://bobhearn.blogspot.com/), he’s my main model. Plus, electrons are free :)
My race goal
Get to 101 miles and get the goddamn motherfucking buckle. This became my race mantra. Hit 100 miles—no buckle. Hit 101 miles—get the race buckle. Ultra race directors are sick people. For ultras, a buckle is like a medal. I wanted the prize.
The Background
My main 2020 goal was to do a 100 miler. My original race, The Great New York Expedition of NY (TGNY100) was canceled due to Covid. In 2018, I completed the TGNY 100k in 12:55 for my 1st 100k and felt surprisingly good as my then longest run ever. I planned to do the full TGNY 100 miles in 2019 but got injured. 2020 was to be it.
I’m not fast and I’ll never be fast. I’m just an average Joe. My marathon PR from 1998 is 3:20. My half marathon from 1999 is 1:28. It’s been downhill since then. I’ve generally given up on returning to PR race glory (such as it was). I've aged reasonably well, and as friends said who hadn't seen me in a while, "he's skinnier than us and still has his hair!". Well, thank you.
Now I’m an average middled aged Joe (mid 50s) and running takes 2nd seat to family and kids. So I run, slower but steadier and smarter though you wouldn't know by the tight muscles and little aches and pains. Why do I tell you this? Because ultras for the “average person” (ok, a very small subset of average people since average people are sitting on the couch eating Cheetos) are not about speed but about relentless forward progress and finishing. Accordingly, I view races like I would an end of life health care decision--I just want to be comfortable as I finish without too much pain.
Other than the 100k, I’ve also done the 2019 JFK 50 miler (hardest race I’ve ever done because of the rocks, roots and near death mountain experiences). All my other ultras were a 50k (5x at Burning Man) or a 6 hour timed course.
In prep for the TGNY 100 miler, I started increasing my mileage last Fall, which was interrupted by JFK and post-race recovery. January and February were on the low side (172 and 177 miles) with March at 250, which included the Caumsett/Hecksher 50k intended as a supported long run. Closure of the local Y in March precluded treadmill access and my legs had to make a major adjustment to running outside all the time (and in the cold), which took longer than expected but also made them significantly stronger.
By April it was clear that TGNY would be canceled, which affected my motivation and desire to do back to backs that might compromise my immune system (I enjoy running but not pushing myself or suffering), and I only did 212 miles.
By May, I entered the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee (GVRAT) to regain motivation, which pushed me to do more miles than I might have done on my own. I hit a new monthly high of 316 miles in May. Fear of injury with super high mileage brought me back to earth with 235, 206 and 262 for June, July and August. Virtually all my miles were slow and easy. I avoided my usual very popular NYC running routes because of crowds and explored new areas of NYC by foot to complete lots of new streets on citystrides.com (I highly recommend!). Most runs were between 8-12 miles (no doubles) with occasional longer runs of 15+ to 23 miles, plus two 28 milers in August, for a total of 17 16+ mile runs in 4 months. I didn’t realize were that many long-ish runs until I just counted because I was focused on completing streets and not mileage (for most of the runs I didn’t know or plan by miles but to complete geographical areas to complete streets). By the end of August I hit 1000 miles in 4 months to complete the GVRAT and had a streak of 6 months of over 200 miles (and 4 of those months were over 250). I did some limited track speedwork (400sx8 and 800sx8), with concern of adding more distance and speed work increasing my injury risk. All this was for shits and giggles since I had no race.
Generally, I’m ok not to race. I’ve been running for 32 years, done lots of races and focused on race finish time for most of those years. Now, I’m “old” and my best times are behind me (though I do focus on age graded times, which approach 70%). I switched to ultras in 2018 because (apart from the elites and fastest known time fixations), the ultra community focus is on the mental and physical challenge, and the fun, and less the time.
But, despite the TGNY cancellation, I wanted a challenge and had resigned myself to waiting until 2021. What’s the point of having this superb fitness unless you can use it?
Other races were cancelled and I had no plans to do any race. In 2019 I met Kim L. at a trail training run and discussed doing our first 100 miler. In September 2020 I saw she had just completed her first 100 miler, which was pretty cool, and I wished I had the opportunity to do a 100 this year. Soon after, on Friday night I saw a 3 Days at the Fair post on Facebook, which was going forward and within easy driving distance, and went hmmm. I thought about it on my Saturday 26 mile long run, which I did just for yucks (gotta get those completed streets for Citystrides), with no race planned. I checked for potential 3DATF Covid safety issues, discussed the issues with my wife, posted a query about race safety on Facebook and waited for a response.
Without having an answer, I decided to do a last minute back to back long run on Sunday morning (21 miles-more completed streets!). On my return, I saw that Newton Baker (who I didn’t know but assumed the kind role to me of Internet stranger) gave assurances of safety--it’s a 1 mile loop and the runners tend to spread out over the loop, creating social distancing. Masks were required in the bathroom and the aid station routine was modified with food set out and no people to hand out to runners on the course. Internet sleuthing showed he had done the race previously, which made him a knowledgeable Internet stranger, which convinced me and my wife.
I then signed up for the 24 hour on September 12th. Ultra training is all about back to back long runs. That weekend was the extent of it of my back to back long runs. And then 3 weeks later I’d casually race 100 miles. The closeness of the race eliminated any need to find a training plan since I was either ready or I wasn’t. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Still, just in case, I did another long run the following weekend (23 miles) and then aggressively tapered. I mean, I seriously tapered doing 6.50 miles one week and 5.30 miles the following week. I had some idea how much to run for a 100 mile taper but I figured serious rest and recovery would be a good idea. Better undertrained than injured. I hadn’t trained for a hundo but I planned to complete one nonetheless.
Goal Background
All I wanted was the goddamn motherfucking buckle. I had done 11 ultras and none had offered a buckle. You’re not an ultra runner until you get a buckle (no disrespect but I didn’t count my GVRAT buckle as it was a different kind of race). My one and only goal was 100 miles, which I later changed to 101 miles when I learned that was the minimum for the buckle. I thought I could do it in the 24 hour time period.
A friend (Kim M.) suggested doing the 48 hour instead of the 24 hour to give more time flexibility and to experience the overnight exhaustion and running again the next day ahead of my Last Annual Vol State race in July 2021. She’s an experienced runner (and Vol State finisher) and these were fair points. Despite the advice sounding right, I nixed it. I was all in for 100 miles in under 24 hours. Giving myself 48 hours would likely blow my chance by reducing the pressure. Plus, 48 hours is a whole other level in terms of logistics, sleep issues, time away from the family and injury risk. Go big or go home.
The other issue was transportation to and from the race. I planned to drive myself there but driving home after being up for 24+ hours and being exhausted from 100 miles was a recipe for disaster. I planned to sleep in the car before I drove home, but that also offered an opportunity to warm up/sleep in the car during the race, or to leave early when the going got hard, which I didn’t want to do. Instead, my wife drove me there, returned home and then returned to pick me up, leaving me abandoned and stranded. There would be no car of despair.
The race course
Given the race name the location is no surprise—it’s on a county fairground in Augusta, NJ where they hold the NJ State Fair: http://sussexcountyfairgrounds.org/html/fair-info.cfm. It took place on October 3-4, 2020. The course is a 1 mile loop that is mostly all paved. From the start line it goes up hill (total elevation for each loop is 22 feet) that some call Mount Augusta and past the aid station. Then a right turn past the bathrooms, a quick left and a quick right turn to an out and back with a very tight turn. A straightaway, passing the bathroom again, that ends on a right hand turn, going straight then quickly another hard right turn. Then a hard left turn to a big loop (I’d call it a straightaway but it’s curved). Then another hard left on flat packed dirt/gravel. I emphasize the flat because I trip easily (for that reason I hate trails) and there were no issues with rocks, roots or uneven ground. Then back to pavement with a hard right for a brief straightaway, then another left to the start/finish line covered with paving stones and is the start of the elevation (my feet kept scuffing the paving stones because I kept forgetting to adjust my foot lift). In short, it’s a lot of turns and will use your muscles in various ways. It also slows you down because you can’t get a regular momentum. For better or worse, it also forces concentration and doesn’t allow for daydreaming while running.
The course was lit at night, though a few lamps were out (but you could easily still see). The “trail section” was unlit but the end portion had bright lights that shined in your face, creating a glare as you were on the unlit portion and rendered all runners ahead of you in outline form only. I hated this section at night because of the lighting issue but, again, I did not trip (this was a major concern of mine). If there was any chance of being attacked by a deranged killer at night in a hockey mask, this was the area. The fairgrounds were closed to outsiders but there two weddings held in the arboretum. The night DJ played very loud, which was a welcome distraction to those of us at a distance from the speakers. The best man from the night wedding came out and ran a 1 mile loop in his tuxedo and dress shoes.
Along the race course were tents, RVs, chairs and tables for personal aid stations. This was my first overnight ultra so I had never seen this setup. It was like running through someone’s camping trip. I was only there for 24 hours, but others were literally living on the course for 2-6 days. Their sleeping accommodations were 2-3 feet off the race course. Family members (and kids, too) and friends were sitting and then standing as their runner went by and the other runners were just the local entertainment. Given the personal and close nature of the mile loop, the families and friends were warm and supportive to other runners. Tent doors were open during the day for ease of access but some were closed at night as crew, runners and kids fell asleep. Food and drink were stacked on the tables, with buckets below with clothes, sneakers and other supplies. A few had motivational signs. A family member ran the course in reverse clanging a cow bell (always need more cowbell) and taking photos of the runners. Some had music playing. A runner dressed in liederhosen in honor of Oktoberfest. Stained glass fish and animals decorated nearby trees. Another runner placed stones painted to look like ladybugs. A child carved some pumpkins and lit them at night with a candle. The pumpkin had no scary face—it just said run.
There was a full working kitchen for runners staffed by volunteers. The food choice options were tremendous with multiple long tables filled with snacks and treats. Separate long tables held water, Gatorade liquid concentrate, numerous flavors of sodas and plastic receptables to hold individual runner water bottles. Six different soup flavors were offered. Five different fruits. Hot and cold sandwiches with breakfast egg sandwiches offered prior to my 9am race start (and while runners were on the course from longer races. Look at these photos: https://imgur.com/a/Ce3NU4c. It was like a runner resort smorgasbourd. Small cruise ships had less offerings. It all smelled so good and pre-race, I just wanted to sit down and eat. In reality, I ate almost none of it.
Race Plan
I was nervous but relaxed about my chances. Given the amount of miles I had previously done, I felt within the zone. My TGNY 100k was 12:55, which would have given me 11 hours to do the extra 38 miles. Both courses were similar—road, relatively flat and great course assistance.
My plan was around an initial 10-11 minute miles or slower and then hold on for as long as possible. I read lots of race reports so this seemed right but I had no idea if it was, or, more importantly, if I could do it. Many race reports describe things as all went well, or all went well until it didn’t, or with superb training that’s beyond my capacity. The only common denominator is that n=1. But the practical reality is that I had 24 hours to do 101 miles. As long as I finished each hour with about 4+ miles, and kept that rate steady or better, I’d finish fine. Dividing each hour by 4 was also easier math for my eventual runner brain fog.
Usually I wear a hydration pack but decided against it (and not carry a hand held) given the 1 mile loop with food and drink available each time. This was the right call to avoid unnecessary weight but it would add more time as I’d stop, drink and then have to restart, which slowed my pace and momentum. I’d still make the same decision, or I’d arrange for a top shelf Indy 500 pit crew to keep the fluids ready at all times.
Prior to the race I spoke with Trishul Lorne Cherns, an ultra race legend, who I had met at other races. He gave me the best pep talk. It wasn’t about time or some platitude. He simply asked: “How bad do you want it?” That’s all he kept asking, repeating the same question over and over. The only answer was that I wanted it very bad. He said that would be what I needed when things got hard. Just keeping asking yourself: “How bad do I want it?” and then push through. The second thing was about strategy. He said to hit 60 miles by 12 hours, which gives you 12 hours to do the last 40 miles. The third thing he said was run the day and manage the night, with the worst times being from 2am to 4am. On all three things he was right.
The Race Itself
If you read this far, you’re thinking finally! But if 100s are mostly mental and less physical, you gotta know the mental.
Check in was easy and really well organized, as well as the whole race (kudos the race director and volunteers!). I put my stuff near the race start by a picnic bench. I packed more food, drink, clothes and medical supplies that I’d ever need, filling up a yellow topped 27 gallon tote. I pack less for a week trip but I wanted to be prepared. From a prior ultra (JFK 50 miler), some aid stations ran out of food for back of the packers. Thus, I brought plenty of my own food and drink.
An unexpected surprise was a great quilted and insulated black jacked with a 3DATF patch on the front, which was much better than the usual race T shirt. I wanted my wife to take it home so it wouldn’t get dirty but she convinced me to keep it with me in case it was needed. This ended up being a life saver.
Then we lined up at the start. Of course we can’t gather as a large mass at the start because there are other runners (6 day, 72 and 48 hour) on the course shuffling through. The countdown to the start is precise because all the races start and end at the same time: 9am. And then we’re off, too: the 24 hours, daytime 12 hours, marathon, 50k and some 6 hours. I didn’t realize there was so much variety of starters until later when it became obvious that some of us were moving faster not just because they were faster but because they planned to run way fewer hours than others. The weather was great—at 48F, a bit brisk for my liking, but soon perfect temps once I warmed up, and sunny and clear.
So I start and finish my 1st loop that introduced me to what I’ll be doing for the next 24 hours. Easy math, too: 1% down. For miles 1-10, I went a little faster than goal pace: 9:43, 10:00, 10:04, 10:00, 10:00, 10:09, 11:25 (likely drink), 10:05, 10:12, 10:05. Given the taper, my legs felt great and while a bit faster than I wanted, my long and longish runs were around this pace and I was at easy conversational pace. I knew it would be hard to go slower in the earlier hours but that I’d naturally slow down once the miles crept up. I thought a walk break every 10 miles made sense to give my legs a rest and to walk before I had to. So I did. This lasted until about mile 60.
The course itself was lively. All of us new starters were the fresh blood to the tired multi-day runners. The folks along the course were kind and welcoming, saying hello as went by. There was a group of about 4 male shirtless runners who kept whizzing by, which I later realized were not amazingly fast ultrarunners but just the average ordinary fast marathoners. The shirtless guys had wonderful family and friends hanging out in the middle of the straightaway loop, with speakers blaring, friendly waves as runners went by and shouts of encouragement. I thought this was good motivation and it would be helpful when it comes to night hours to have that music and participatory back and forth with spectators. Alas, they and their music left at some point after the shirtless dudes finished and the loop, which would’ve been quiet to begin with at night, became even quieter.
Miles 11-20 were also a bit fast: 15:44 (food, drink and walk), 12:04, 10:07, 10:06, 10:07, 10:12, 11:35 (likely drink), 10:21, 10:26, 10:34.
For these first 20 miles or so, I experienced the community of ultra runners, which is the joy of running. While I generally kept my own pace, I also altered it if I found a good running companion on the race course. Hellos and introductions were made like the first day of summer camp. Paces dropped and fell depending on my temporary running companion. I tried to keep to my own pace, but for some of these miles I ran with Rachel and didn’t fully realize how fast we were going (I disabled my watch buzz for each mile so I wouldn’t get distracted). Rachel was the eventual top 24 hour female (117 miles) and way too fast for me.
I continued to feel relatively fine and stuck with my plan for miles 21-30 but made sure to slow my pace, which was easier to do than from the start because I had just run 20+ miles: 18:16, 10:57, 10:46, 11:41, 14:57, 11:07, 13:06, 12:08, 11:07, 11:01. My nutrition was mainly wateGatorade, gummy bears, applesauce fruit squeezers and some fruit fig bars, which I’d get from the race aid station when slipping into the food/drink table every few laps. I had Clif gel blocks available but kept them until later since they had caffeine and I wanted to save the alertness and rocket fuel (I don’t drink coffee or tea) for night. At some point I also had a PBJ sandwich. The drink part was a hazard since local yellow jacket bees discovered the sugary sweet soda/Gatorade area and buzzed around while I drank and refilled my bottle with wateGatorade. At some point my bottle kept leaking from the top and I couldn’t figure out why as I looked for a crack in the plastic. There was no crack but at the end of the race I discovered that the screw top lid wouldn’t fully close/seal because there was now a dead yellow jacket jammed deep in the inner thread area that precluded a full seal.
While I was part of the new blood, I found much motivation on the race course. Two runners, Amy Mower (6 Day) and Bob Hearn (48 hours) were going for American records. Both got injured mid-run but still kept going and gutted it out (Amy-385 miles, Bob-240 miles). Holy crap were they impressive. Amy walked with a significant lean, holding on her side/back. Bob had difficulty running but he walked fast, running when he could, and making noises while he walked (I couldn’t tell if they were grunting noises or words to motivate himself). Camille Herron (48 hours) went for a world record but injured herself on day 1 and I never saw her on the race course (but I did pass by her very large trailer marked “Herron” each lap). I ran without music but the sidelines and other runners were entertainment enough. At some point another runner (in his 80s) got a new age group record for 100 miles, which got him a mini-celebration and finish line ringing of the bell (I was right behind him as he crossed the line).
At some point, I met Derek (runner #1) and ran with him for a while. These were good times. He was also from Brooklyn, and even lived nearby, and we were about at the same pace and same mentality-run to 101 and get the goddamn motherfucking buckle. I don’t recall the mile we started running together but miles can melt away when distracted from your own mind. Miles 31-50 went well: 10:57, 17:57 (walk break), 12:38, 11:13,13:38, 11:29, 12:23, 11:39, 11:37, 11:38, 19:55 (walk break), 13:12, 11:18, 11:24, 11:32, 16:27, 11:49, 12:59, 12:02, 11:58. We traded stories and motivation. Regrettably, he had DNF’d at a recent 100 mile ultra and had not fully recovered. At 50 miles he decided he had enough—today was not his day. This was a huge disappointment and I tried to convince him to stay but his decision was final and he had already turned in his chip.
My sub goals, of which I had many, were to improve my 50 mile time but not by too much else I burn out with 50 more miles to go. I missed that goal, hitting 50 miles in 9:55 (previous was 9:41), which left me 2 hours to hit Trishul’s 60 miles in 12 hours.
Prior to the race a friend had offered to crew me. I was not keen on the idea because I didn’t think it was needed and I didn’t want an out (in one race I read that crewed runners were more likely to drop because the opportunity and ease for comfort was too great when the going got tough). I also wanted to just focus on running and not have responsibility for someone else. I was wrong. Mark showed up late afternoon/near evening and was of enormous help. It made a significant difference in getting things done (food, drink, clothes) and making the transition from day to night go smoothly. I don’t know what it was like pre-Covid (other ultra races had pre-poured soda) but not having to stop, get a cup and pour the soda was helpful. It was also a bunch of small little things that added up and allowed me to just focus on the stress (I mean joy) of running without having to manage the other logistics (even as I way overpacked and way brought too much food). It was also a big psychological boost to see a friendly known face.
Having Mark present also made all the difference in changing from day to night. I had been warm and comfortable all day. As the sun began to set I knew I’d need to change clothes from shorts and short sleeves to pants, long sleeve shirt and gloves. I had never changed clothes or sneakers mid run or race, and running at night (and all night) was new for me. I thought I could wait to change clothes until it got later. I was wrong. The sun went down and while I pushed to do another loop, the night of cold and chills soon took over. By mid loop I was stiff and shivering. Being cold, stiff and shivering, I underestimated the difficulty in changing. Having someone pull off my shoes, get my stuff and untie the new shoes (rookie mistake—next time untie the new shoes and loosen the pants leg zipper) was a godsend. He also told me that my planned night wear wouldn’t keep me warm enough, which I disagreed with, but he was right and I wore what he recommended. This was a good thing as the temperature went down to 34F. It was so cold.
I also learned that my planned night jackets were just windbreakers and not insulated (apparently I am an idiot since I’m a cold weather treadmill runner). A warm fleece I brought was too tight and restrictive for running. The insulated 3DATF jacket, however, kept me very comfy. My central personal aid station location was a blessing and a curse. It had a seat to take off my shoes and store my stuff, but little privacy to get changed (I hadn’t thought about that part). Fortunately, there were metal stadium bleachers by the food court area, with the relatively dark but wide open back end facing the course. And thus I showed my shivering pasty white butt to those still on the course as I dropped trou and put on my evening winter clothes. My feet felt fine and I kept my socks on for fear on seeing what was underneath. I had running mittens on top of thin running gloves inside, thicker running leggings, a fleece hat and a Bakline insulated shirt, which I layered with another running shirt under the insulated 3DATF jacket. The clothes were just right if I kept moving—walking I was comfortable, running I began to sweat but could open the zipper, and stopping completely led me to quickly shiver. Still, after changing from day to night clothes it took me some time to warm up and stop shivering.
From prior ultras I learned that soups are served boiling hot, which only burns me as I sip and run. I had Mark fill a metal flask of hot chicken broth, which I then put to the side to cool so I could chug it later. Mark also filled my drink bottle before he left for the warmth of home.
I was now on my own in the dark (literally and figuratively). I continued running. Next was to hit 60 miles in 12 hours and maybe improve my 100k time. I mostly ran, doing some seemingly quick miles, but not quick enough as fatigue began to set in. My mind kept doing the math of X number of miles in Y number of hours to cleanly hit the 12 hour mark at 60. Going faster seemed like a bright idea but I didn’t want to kill my 101 finish chances by only focusing on the 60 miles in 12 hour goal. Miles 51-60: 19:12 (shivering), 28:51 (clothing change), 11:39, 13:40, 11:58, 16:25 (walk), 13:13, 11:41, 11:35, 11:37, 11:41, 11:53. The partial end result was 60 miles around 12:25 and 62 miles at 12:49 (my previous 100k best was 12:55), which was 9:49 pm. I was still on track but I felt very much under the gun. It was dark, close to my usual bedtime and I still had 39 more miles to do in 11 hours.
Unlike an unknown point to point course, with relative degrees of flatness and rolling hills in the eye of the beholder (and everyone having different definitions of flat and rolling), I knew this course pretty well within 3 miles (laps). Knowing how “Mount Augusta” actually felt after 15 hours kinda sorta allowed me to relax more in the absence of course surprises. But pace time was slowing, and though still doing better than 4+ miles per hour, I kept focusing on getting closer to 24 hours and running out of time. The biggest fear apart from not hitting 101 was getting so close to the finish but time running out. Anything can happen and it just may not be your day. At JFK 50 Mile, I met a runner early in the course who had finished it over 20 consecutive times. I later saw him in the post-race cafeteria. That day, he got pulled at the 46 mile cutoff. He looked demoralized and beaten. I did not want to be that guy. Every minute lost was putting me that much closer to my biggest fear. How bad did I want it?
Meanwhile, I knew I had to eat. I do not have an iron stomach and I get nauseous easily while running long distances. I can handle gel blocks but not Gu. I’ve tried traditional ultra foods, like PBJ and grilled cheese, and fig bars, but it can be hit or miss. I tried pickle juice, which I thought I didn’t want but it turned out was really needed and made me feel so good (alas, they ran out when I later went for a 2nd serving). Flavored fig bars tasted good until they didn’t. Gel blocks were fine if I swallowed them almost whole. I never touched the Clif bars I brought. Flavored apple sauce squeezer pouches consistently hit the spot but were only 80 calories. Chicken broth, once cooled, could hit the spot for liquid, calories and salt content. Gummy bears also worked but the cold temps made them solid, which made chewing and swallowing difficult. I had no dry heave but anything consumed started to make me feel like hurling. I now started my sugar and caffeine intake and drank copious amounts of cola and Mountain Dew. I learned that the daytime warm-ish drinks now were very cold from the night temps, which made me shiver. I also brought my own 2 liter bottle of ginger ale to try and settle my stomach and give me some sugar. I felt like a wild man slugging my ginger ale right out of the bottle. It helped little for nausea but was another energy source.
At night, it was quiet on the course. What had been a busy loop melted away as some runners called it a day (or night) and ended their race without fanfare, or achieved their goal, or took a sleep break. The marathon, 50k and 12 hour runners finished their runs. In a typical point to point race, you’ll see someone and possibly never see them again. The mile loop gave you a glimpse of each person along the way, sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on how their race was going at that moment. Each runner each had their own story. I knew walking (or “hiking” in ultra parlance) was acceptable but seeing others walk, including the new multi-day record holders, was comforting. The time span also allowed for observation of each person’s ups and downs. Relentless forward progress is an ultra mantra but words are cheap at midnight.
I kept pushing. Each step forward was one less to worry about later. I took a walk-run breaks for miles 63-65 (19:34, 16:41, 19:13) but felt time slipping away as each were slower than 4 miles per hour. Alone on the course, tired, a little cold, thinking about how much more I needed to do, and most course spectators quiet or absent, my mind kept playing tricks. How badly did I want it? I just wanted that goddamn motherfucking buckle. I ran again for miles 66-70: 15:16, 12:52, 11:16, 11:21, 11:21. Another walk break at mile 71: 18:02, which I pushed to do at a brisk 15 minute pace but was disappointed by the slower time. Pushing myself to walk fast was hard to do, particularly alone. Every mile slower than 15 minutes ate at my possible cushion. 31 miles to go. Do the 50k and be done.
Fortunately I met Jeff, runner #2. I found him while running and just before I planned to take a walk break. I learned his knee pain prevented him from running but he could push himself to walk at 15 minute pace. His previous efforts for 100 miles had blown up, once in the upper 80s, and he was determined to get to 100 (he didn’t know 101 was the magic number for the buckle). He had earlier run faster than me and was 13 miles ahead of me (and on pace to hit sub 20 hours even if he walked) but at that moment in time we were at the same pace. At that point my running was between 11-12 minute miles but for how much longer? I wanted walk breaks, which helps the legs recover and gives part of your body a rest before putting more strain on it, but couldn’t keep walking on my own at planned 15 minute pace because my muscles were tired and leg strides too tight. I knew that ultra races for experienced runners fail near the end, not the beginning. Now that person with me.
Walking with him was difficult. 15 minute walk pace was faster than felt comfortable but that was the pace I had to do. I had read that improving your running time will help you in an ultra, but improving your walking pace will help you even more. It’s hard to shave off 1-2 minutes in running pace late in the race but easier to shave (or lose) 3-5 minutes in walking pace. Runner #2 was dialed in well for 15 minute pace and I tagged along (we each agreed to walk together) playing follow the leader. I kept pushing and eventually my legs loosened up and I could easily keep the 15 minute pace. Our mutual goal was to keep pushing each other. Later, as my leg muscles adjusted further and relaxed, the 15 minute pace became easier for me but a little harder for him. At a certain point I don’t know if I was pacing him or he was pacing me but we both kept pushing. Win-win for us both. Given his earlier faster pace where he banked early miles, he had more time available than me but he was aware of blowing up late in a race and I was aware of the clock and the 101 mile goal.
Though walking, we were passing other walkers at our 15 minute pace and even occasionally passing some other runners. As a result, I fast paced walked with Jeff for the next 18 miles. The tradeoff for me was time lost by walking but that seemed minimal, particularly given I didn’t know how long I could keep running. What seemed like a 90 minute time loss by walking at 15 min/mile versus running at 11-2 min/mile may in fact be much less if I couldn’t run at some point. Plus walking kept me in the game much longer versus a potential race ending running injury. BJ, an ultrarunner not in this race, fast pace walks many ultras, with multiple Last Annual Vol State finishes, and if it’s good for him than it’s good for me. Plus, I didn’t have much of a choice given my slowing pace.
As the miles clicked by, we’d drink soda, eat an apple sauce squeezer and I tried to eat a fig bar.
The race director had a video board by the start/finish line, which I didn’t look at for most of the race. I had my watch for my pace and as long as the chip recorded my time, I was happy. I knew I had 101 miles and obsessing about time and miles early on wasn’t going to help me. All I cared about was the goddamned motherfucking buckle. If I didn’t hit 101, everything meant nothing and it didn’t matter if 50 people were ahead of me or none. I didn’t know at the time it gave your relative leader position, which I explicitly did not want to know. It was easy not to know your relative position because you didn’t know who was entered in which race—the 6 day, 72 hour, 48 hour, 24 hour, 12 hour, 6 hour, or marathon. You could sort of guess by their speed (the marathon folks whizzed by everyone else) but at 12 hours into a race, most people are not looking fresh or acting like puppies let loose in a house. But if I were ahead of others, I’d feel great and possibly slack off. If I was behind, I’d feel bad and lose motivation. It was lose-lose. I had disabled the buzz feature at each mile marker and all I looked at was the completed number of miles. All I cared about was the number of miles left and my sole calculation was the hours/minutes to do it. As long as the number of miles remaining were less than the number of hours and divide by four, I was good. The more miles I did in a fast time meant more of a cushion if things went bad (and I expected things to go bad). 101 was the only goal.
But runner #2 knew his position and pointed out where on the board his relative position was each lap, which at this point was no longer hidden under a tent but shining large and brightly against the side of a barn at the start. It also showed our lap times, which were remarkably pretty consistent. Jeff was #2 (later #3). Now, once I saw my standing I kept looking at it, which ended up fueling my motivation. I was #8 at the time (out of how many I didn’t know), which was surprising (I eventually moved up to #7). We also looked at our mile pace, fueling ourselves to keep pace and go faster to sub 15 minute miles. Hours and hours went by at about a 15 minute clip. My watch was about to die at 75 miles so I stopped it for a recharge and went about 5 laps without a watch. An unexpected benefit was it allowed me to see the difference in pace running with some walking to just walking. Miles 72 to 88: 72-15:05, 73-14:46, 74-15:25, 75-15:03, 76-15:51, 77-14:58, 78-20:48, 79-14:43, 80-14:55, 81-15:04, 82-15:18, 83-15:46, 84-15:27, 85-16:00, 86-15:10, 87-15:16, 88-16:50. During this time the mile loop got very quiet. We were passing people and there were few runners out there with us. The family member who earlier ran the course in reverse clanging a cow bell was out again in the otherwise quiet portion (not where runners were sleeping) of the course, bringing lots of good cheer and, of course, some cowbell.
Trishul was right about night time difficulty. I felt down and unmotivated, but motivated, and I thought I’d go much darker or in deep despair. The mental low was not as bad as I expected. Mostly it was just I’m exhausted, I still have hours to go and I have a lot more to do. I knew I had to keep chewing the miles down one mile at a time. Keeping on track pace wise was helpful because meeting my calculations kept me happy mentally. If I started to slow down, and getting closer to the full 24 hours, I can imagine being in a worse mental spot. I don’t know if this made a difference but I didn’t keep track of time of day. I had a general sense but most of the time I had no idea of the time. My only focus was time spent, time remaining, how many miles I did and how many were remaining. Knowing the actual time of day was irrelevant. At some point I realized it was after midnight, which was a surprise only because after midnight seemed late and I knew of the 2am-4am expected difficulty. But it only meant I had 8 more hours to go. When we reached the 2am time period of difficulty, which I think we noticed at 3am, we were like this is how we’re supposed to feel and we’re feeling it. But any thoughts of dropping were generally minimal because I wanted that goddamn motherfucking buckle. My thoughts were squashed by Jeff, who had higher spirits and was so much closer to finishing, the realization that I had no place to go and that there were no warm refuges anywhere around and there would be none until 9am when my wife returned.
Jeff also kept the food down. Each time I ate or drank I felt nauseous. Jeff suggested antacid tablets, which he got from his tent along with small cans of soda for drinking along the way. I introduced him to applesauce squeezers. The antacids didn’t fully make the nausea go away but settled my stomach enough that I could eat, get nauseous and then reduce the post-eats nausea with the antacid. Though I thought I’d eventually hurl, and scouted out emergency hurl locations when we were in the runner tent area, I never did. If I did, I was all set with a new mantra: puke and rally. Fortunately, I had done lots of long slow running to increase my fat burning and reduce glycogen dependency, which reduced my food need, and I surprisingly never bonked.
(continued in the comments)

Ideas Needed for a Picnic Wedding!

Three Days at the Fair--My 1st Hundred, or Holy Cow I Can’t Believe I Really Did It

This is a really long race report. Sorry not sorry. It's so long it won't fit and is continued in the comments. Yes, this is after editing. Plus, electrons are free :)
My race goal
Get to 101 miles and get the goddamn motherfucking buckle. This became my race mantra. Hit 100 miles—no buckle. Hit 101 miles—get the race buckle. Ultra race directors are sick people. For ultras, a buckle is like a medal. I wanted the prize.
The Background
My main 2020 goal was to do a 100 miler. My original race, The Great New York Expedition of NY (TGNY100) was canceled due to Covid. In 2018, I completed the TGNY 100k in 12:55 for my 1st 100k and felt surprisingly good as my then longest run ever. I planned to do the full TGNY 100 miles in 2019 but got injured. 2020 was to be it.
I’m not fast and I’ll never be fast. I’m just an average Joe. My marathon PR from 1998 is 3:20. My half marathon from 1999 is 1:28. It’s been downhill since then. I’ve generally given up on returning to PR race glory (such as it was). I've aged reasonably well, and as friends said who hadn't seen me in a while, "he's skinnier than us and still has his hair!". Well, thank you.
Now I’m an average middled aged Joe (mid 50s) and running takes 2nd seat to family and kids. So I run, slower but steadier and smarter though you wouldn't know by the tight muscles and little aches and pains. Why do I tell you this? Because ultras for the “average person” (ok, a very small subset of average people since average people are sitting on the couch eating Cheetos) are not about speed but about relentless forward progress and finishing. Accordingly, I view races like I would an end of life health care decision--I just want to be comfortable as I finish without too much pain.
Other than the 100k, I’ve also done the 2019 JFK 50 miler (hardest race I’ve ever done because of the rocks, roots and near death mountain experiences). All my other ultras were a 50k (5x at Burning Man) or a 6 hour timed course.
In prep for the TGNY 100 miler, I started increasing my mileage last Fall, which was interrupted by JFK and post-race recovery. January and February were on the low side (172 and 177 miles) with March at 250, which included the Caumsett/Hecksher 50k intended as a supported long run. Closure of the local Y in March precluded treadmill access and my legs had to make a major adjustment to running outside all the time (and in the cold), which took longer than expected but also made them significantly stronger.
By April it was clear that TGNY would be canceled, which affected my motivation and desire to do back to backs that might compromise my immune system (I enjoy running but not pushing myself or suffering), and I only did 212 miles.
By May, I entered the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee (GVRAT) to regain motivation, which pushed me to do more miles than I might have done on my own. I hit a new monthly high of 316 miles in May. Fear of injury with super high mileage brought me back to earth with 235, 206 and 262 for June, July and August. Virtually all my miles were slow and easy. I avoided my usual very popular NYC running routes because of crowds and explored new areas of NYC by foot to complete lots of new streets on citystrides.com (I highly recommend!). Most runs were between 8-12 miles (no doubles) with occasional longer runs of 15+ to 23 miles, plus two 28 milers in August, for a total of 17 16+ mile runs in 4 months. I didn’t realize were that many long-ish runs until I just counted because I was focused on completing streets and not mileage (for most of the runs I didn’t know or plan by miles but to complete geographical areas to complete streets). By the end of August I hit 1000 miles in 4 months to complete the GVRAT and had a streak of 6 months of over 200 miles (and 4 of those months were over 250). I did some limited track speedwork (400sx8 and 800sx8), with concern of adding more distance and speed work increasing my injury risk. All this was for shits and giggles since I had no race.
Generally, I’m ok not to race. I’ve been running for 32 years, done lots of races and focused on race finish time for most of those years. Now, I’m “old” and my best times are behind me (though I do focus on age graded times, which approach 70%). I switched to ultras in 2018 because (apart from the elites and fastest known time fixations), the ultra community focus is on the mental and physical challenge, and the fun, and less the time.
But, despite the TGNY cancellation, I wanted a challenge and had resigned myself to waiting until 2021. What’s the point of having this superb fitness unless you can use it?
Other races were cancelled and I had no plans to do any race. In 2019 I met Kim L. at a trail training run and discussed doing our first 100 miler. In September 2020 I saw she had just completed her first 100 miler, which was pretty cool, and I wished I had the opportunity to do a 100 this year. Soon after, on Friday night I saw a 3 Days at the Fair post on Facebook, which was going forward and within easy driving distance, and went hmmm. I thought about it on my Saturday 26 mile long run, which I did just for yucks (gotta get those completed streets for Citystrides), with no race planned. I checked for potential 3DATF Covid safety issues, discussed the issues with my wife, posted a query about race safety on Facebook and waited for a response.
Without having an answer, I decided to do a last minute back to back long run on Sunday morning (21 miles-more completed streets!). On my return, I saw that Newton Baker (who I didn’t know but assumed the kind role to me of Internet stranger) gave assurances of safety--it’s a 1 mile loop and the runners tend to spread out over the loop, creating social distancing. Masks were required in the bathroom and the aid station routine was modified with food set out and no people to hand out to runners on the course. Internet sleuthing showed he had done the race previously, which made him a knowledgeable Internet stranger, which convinced me and my wife.
I then signed up for the 24 hour on September 12th. Ultra training is all about back to back long runs. That weekend was the extent of it of my back to back long runs. And then 3 weeks later I’d casually race 100 miles. The closeness of the race eliminated any need to find a training plan since I was either ready or I wasn’t. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Still, just in case, I did another long run the following weekend (23 miles) and then aggressively tapered. I mean, I seriously tapered doing 6.50 miles one week and 5.30 miles the following week. I had some idea how much to run for a 100 mile taper but I figured serious rest and recovery would be a good idea. Better undertrained than injured. I hadn’t trained for a hundo but I planned to complete one nonetheless.
Goal Background
All I wanted was the goddamn motherfucking buckle. I had done 11 ultras and none had offered a buckle. You’re not an ultra runner until you get a buckle (no disrespect but I didn’t count my GVRAT buckle as it was a different kind of race). My one and only goal was 100 miles, which I later changed to 101 miles when I learned that was the minimum for the buckle. I thought I could do it in the 24 hour time period.
A friend (Kim M.) suggested doing the 48 hour instead of the 24 hour to give more time flexibility and to experience the overnight exhaustion and running again the next day ahead of my Last Annual Vol State race in July 2021. She’s an experienced runner (and Vol State finisher) and these were fair points. Despite the advice sounding right, I nixed it. I was all in for 100 miles in under 24 hours. Giving myself 48 hours would likely blow my chance by reducing the pressure. Plus, 48 hours is a whole other level in terms of logistics, sleep issues, time away from the family and injury risk. Go big or go home.
The other issue was transportation to and from the race. I planned to drive myself there but driving home after being up for 24+ hours and being exhausted from 100 miles was a recipe for disaster. I planned to sleep in the car before I drove home, but that also offered an opportunity to warm up/sleep in the car during the race, or to leave early when the going got hard, which I didn’t want to do. Instead, my wife drove me there, returned home and then returned to pick me up, leaving me abandoned and stranded. There would be no car of despair.
The race course
Given the race name the location is no surprise—it’s on a county fairground in Augusta, NJ where they hold the NJ State Fair: http://sussexcountyfairgrounds.org/html/fair-info.cfm. It took place on October 3-4, 2020. The course is a 1 mile loop that is mostly all paved. From the start line it goes up hill (total elevation for each loop is 22 feet) that some call Mount Augusta and past the aid station. Then a right turn past the bathrooms, a quick left and a quick right turn to an out and back with a very tight turn. A straightaway, passing the bathroom again, that ends on a right hand turn, going straight then quickly another hard right turn. Then a hard left turn to a big loop (I’d call it a straightaway but it’s curved). Then another hard left on flat packed dirt/gravel. I emphasize the flat because I trip easily (for that reason I hate trails) and there were no issues with rocks, roots or uneven ground. Then back to pavement with a hard right for a brief straightaway, then another left to the start/finish line covered with paving stones and is the start of the elevation (my feet kept scuffing the paving stones because I kept forgetting to adjust my foot lift). In short, it’s a lot of turns and will use your muscles in various ways. It also slows you down because you can’t get a regular momentum. For better or worse, it also forces concentration and doesn’t allow for daydreaming while running.
The course was lit at night, though a few lamps were out (but you could easily still see). The “trail section” was unlit but the end portion had bright lights that shined in your face, creating a glare as you were on the unlit portion and rendered all runners ahead of you in outline form only. I hated this section at night because of the lighting issue but, again, I did not trip (this was a major concern of mine). If there was any chance of being attacked by a deranged killer at night in a hockey mask, this was the area. The fairgrounds were closed to outsiders but there two weddings held in the arboretum. The night DJ played very loud, which was a welcome distraction to those of us at a distance from the speakers. The best man from the night wedding came out and ran a 1 mile loop in his tuxedo and dress shoes.
Along the race course were tents, RVs, chairs and tables for personal aid stations. This was my first overnight ultra so I had never seen this setup. It was like running through someone’s camping trip. I was only there for 24 hours, but others were literally living on the course for 2-6 days. Their sleeping accommodations were 2-3 feet off the race course. Family members (and kids, too) and friends were sitting and then standing as their runner went by and the other runners were just the local entertainment. Given the personal and close nature of the mile loop, the families and friends were warm and supportive to other runners. Tent doors were open during the day for ease of access but some were closed at night as crew, runners and kids fell asleep. Food and drink were stacked on the tables, with buckets below with clothes, sneakers and other supplies. A few had motivational signs. A family member ran the course in reverse clanging a cow bell (always need more cowbell) and taking photos of the runners. Some had music playing. A runner dressed in liederhosen in honor of Oktoberfest. Stained glass fish and animals decorated nearby trees. Another runner placed stones painted to look like ladybugs. A child carved some pumpkins and lit them at night with a candle. The pumpkin had no scary face—it just said run.
There was a full working kitchen for runners staffed by volunteers. The food choice options were tremendous with multiple long tables filled with snacks and treats. Separate long tables held water, Gatorade liquid concentrate, numerous flavors of sodas and plastic receptables to hold individual runner water bottles. Six different soup flavors were offered. Five different fruits. Hot and cold sandwiches with breakfast egg sandwiches offered prior to my 9am race start (and while runners were on the course from longer races. Look at these photos: https://imgur.com/a/Ce3NU4c
. It was like a runner resort smorgasbourd. Small cruise ships had less offerings. It all smelled so good and pre-race, I just wanted to sit down and eat. In reality, I ate almost none of it.
Race Plan
I was nervous but relaxed about my chances. Given the amount of miles I had previously done, I felt within the zone. My TGNY 100k was 12:55, which would have given me 11 hours to do the extra 38 miles. Both courses were similar—road, relatively flat and great course assistance.
My plan was around an initial 10-11 minute miles or slower and then hold on for as long as possible. I read lots of race reports so this seemed right but I had no idea if it was, or, more importantly, if I could do it. Many race reports describe things as all went well, or all went well until it didn’t, or with superb training that’s beyond my capacity. The only common denominator is that n=1. But the practical reality is that I had 24 hours to do 101 miles. As long as I finished each hour with about 4+ miles, and kept that rate steady or better, I’d finish fine. Dividing each hour by 4 was also easier math for my eventual runner brain fog.
Usually I wear a hydration pack but decided against it (and not carry a hand held) given the 1 mile loop with food and drink available each time. This was the right call to avoid unnecessary weight but it would add more time as I’d stop, drink and then have to restart, which slowed my pace and momentum. I’d still make the same decision, or I’d arrange for a top shelf Indy 500 pit crew to keep the fluids ready at all times.
Prior to the race I spoke with Trishul Lorne Cherns, an ultra race legend, who I had met at other races. He gave me the best pep talk. It wasn’t about time or some platitude. He simply asked: “How bad do you want it?” That’s all he kept asking, repeating the same question over and over. The only answer was that I wanted it very bad. He said that would be what I needed when things got hard. Just keeping asking yourself: “How bad do I want it?” and then push through. The second thing was about strategy. He said to hit 60 miles by 12 hours, which gives you 12 hours to do the last 40 miles. The third thing he said was run the day and manage the night, with the worst times being from 2am to 4am. On all three things he was right.
The Race Itself
If you read this far, you’re thinking finally! But if 100s are mostly mental and less physical, you gotta know the mental.
Check in was easy and really well organized, as well as the whole race (kudos the race director and volunteers!). I put my stuff near the race start by a picnic bench. I packed more food, drink, clothes and medical supplies that I’d ever need, filling up a yellow topped 27 gallon tote. I pack less for a week trip but I wanted to be prepared. From a prior ultra (JFK 50 miler), some aid stations ran out of food for back of the packers. Thus, I brought plenty of my own food and drink.
An unexpected surprise was a great quilted and insulated black jacked with a 3DATF patch on the front, which was much better than the usual race T shirt. I wanted my wife to take it home so it wouldn’t get dirty but she convinced me to keep it with me in case it was needed. This ended up being a life saver.
Then we lined up at the start. Of course we can’t gather as a large mass at the start because there are other runners (6 day, 72 and 48 hour) on the course shuffling through. The countdown to the start is precise because all the races start and end at the same time: 9am. And then we’re off, too: the 24 hours, daytime 12 hours, marathon, 50k and some 6 hours. I didn’t realize there was so much variety of starters until later when it became obvious that some of us were moving faster not just because they were faster but because they planned to run way fewer hours than others. The weather was great—at 48F, a bit brisk for my liking, but soon perfect temps once I warmed up, and sunny and clear.
So I start and finish my 1st loop that introduced me to what I’ll be doing for the next 24 hours. Easy math, too: 1% down. For miles 1-10, I went a little faster than goal pace: 9:43, 10:00, 10:04, 10:00, 10:00, 10:09, 11:25 (likely drink), 10:05, 10:12, 10:05. Given the taper, my legs felt great and while a bit faster than I wanted, my long and longish runs were around this pace and I was at easy conversational pace. I knew it would be hard to go slower in the earlier hours but that I’d naturally slow down once the miles crept up. I thought a walk break every 10 miles made sense to give my legs a rest and to walk before I had to. So I did. This lasted until about mile 60.
The course itself was lively. All of us new starters were the fresh blood to the tired multi-day runners. The folks along the course were kind and welcoming, saying hello as went by. There was a group of about 4 male shirtless runners who kept whizzing by, which I later realized were not amazingly fast ultrarunners but just the average ordinary fast marathoners. The shirtless guys had wonderful family and friends hanging out in the middle of the straightaway loop, with speakers blaring, friendly waves as runners went by and shouts of encouragement. I thought this was good motivation and it would be helpful when it comes to night hours to have that music and participatory back and forth with spectators. Alas, they and their music left at some point after the shirtless dudes finished and the loop, which would’ve been quiet to begin with at night, became even quieter.
Miles 11-20 were also a bit fast: 15:44 (food, drink and walk), 12:04, 10:07, 10:06, 10:07, 10:12, 11:35 (likely drink), 10:21, 10:26, 10:34.
For these first 20 miles or so, I experienced the community of ultra runners, which is the joy of running. While I generally kept my own pace, I also altered it if I found a good running companion on the race course. Hellos and introductions were made like the first day of summer camp. Paces dropped and fell depending on my temporary running companion. I tried to keep to my own pace, but for some of these miles I ran with Rachel and didn’t fully realize how fast we were going (I disabled my watch buzz for each mile so I wouldn’t get distracted). Rachel was the eventual top 24 hour female (117 miles) and way too fast for me.
I continued to feel relatively fine and stuck with my plan for miles 21-30 but made sure to slow my pace, which was easier to do than from the start because I had just run 20+ miles: 18:16, 10:57, 10:46, 11:41, 14:57, 11:07, 13:06, 12:08, 11:07, 11:01. My nutrition was mainly wateGatorade, gummy bears, applesauce fruit squeezers and some fruit fig bars, which I’d get from the race aid station when slipping into the food/drink table every few laps. I had Clif gel blocks available but kept them until later since they had caffeine and I wanted to save the alertness and rocket fuel (I don’t drink coffee or tea) for night. At some point I also had a PBJ sandwich. The drink part was a hazard since local yellow jacket bees discovered the sugary sweet soda/Gatorade area and buzzed around while I drank and refilled my bottle with wateGatorade. At some point my bottle kept leaking from the top and I couldn’t figure out why as I looked for a crack in the plastic. There was no crack but at the end of the race I discovered that the screw top lid wouldn’t fully close/seal because there was now a dead yellow jacket jammed deep in the inner thread area that precluded a full seal.
While I was part of the new blood, I found much motivation on the race course. Two runners, Amy Mower (6 Day) and Bob Hearn (48 hours) were going for American records. Both got injured mid-run but still kept going and gutted it out (Amy-385 miles, Bob-240 miles). Holy crap were they impressive. Amy walked with a significant lean, holding on her side/back. Bob had difficulty running but he walked fast, running when he could, and making noises while he walked (I couldn’t tell if they were grunting noises or words to motivate himself). Camille Herron (48 hours) went for a world record but injured herself on day 1 and I never saw her on the race course (but I did pass by her very large trailer marked “Herron” each lap). I ran without music but the sidelines and other runners were entertainment enough. At some point another runner (in his 80s) got a new age group record for 100 miles, which got him a mini-celebration and finish line ringing of the bell (I was right behind him as he crossed the line).
At some point, I met Derek (runner #1) and ran with him for a while. These were good times. He was also from Brooklyn, and even lived nearby, and we were about at the same pace and same mentality-run to 101 and get the goddamn motherfucking buckle. I don’t recall the mile we started running together but miles can melt away when distracted from your own mind. Miles 31-50 went well: 10:57, 17:57 (walk break), 12:38, 11:13,13:38, 11:29, 12:23, 11:39, 11:37, 11:38, 19:55 (walk break), 13:12, 11:18, 11:24, 11:32, 16:27, 11:49, 12:59, 12:02, 11:58. We traded stories and motivation. Regrettably, he had DNF’d at a recent 100 mile ultra and had not fully recovered. At 50 miles he decided he had enough—today was not his day. This was a huge disappointment and I tried to convince him to stay but his decision was final and he had already turned in his chip.
My sub goals, of which I had many, were to improve my 50 mile time but not by too much else I burn out with 50 more miles to go. I missed that goal, hitting 50 miles in 9:55 (previous was 9:41), which left me 2 hours to hit Trishul’s 60 miles in 12 hours.
Prior to the race a friend had offered to crew me. I was not keen on the idea because I didn’t think it was needed and I didn’t want an out (in one race I read that crewed runners were more likely to drop because the opportunity and ease for comfort was too great when the going got tough). I also wanted to just focus on running and not have responsibility for someone else. I was wrong. Mark showed up late afternoon/near evening and was of enormous help. It made a significant difference in getting things done (food, drink, clothes) and making the transition from day to night go smoothly. I don’t know what it was like pre-Covid (other ultra races had pre-poured soda) but not having to stop, get a cup and pour the soda was helpful. It was also a bunch of small little things that added up and allowed me to just focus on the stress (I mean joy) of running without having to manage the other logistics (even as I way overpacked and way brought too much food). It was also a big psychological boost to see a friendly known face.
Having Mark present also made all the difference in changing from day to night. I had been warm and comfortable all day. As the sun began to set I knew I’d need to change clothes from shorts and short sleeves to pants, long sleeve shirt and gloves. I had never changed clothes or sneakers mid run or race, and running at night (and all night) was new for me. I thought I could wait to change clothes until it got later. I was wrong. The sun went down and while I pushed to do another loop, the night of cold and chills soon took over. By mid loop I was stiff and shivering. Being cold, stiff and shivering, I underestimated the difficulty in changing. Having someone pull off my shoes, get my stuff and untie the new shoes (rookie mistake—next time untie the new shoes and loosen the pants leg zipper) was a godsend. He also told me that my planned night wear wouldn’t keep me warm enough, which I disagreed with, but he was right and I wore what he recommended. This was a good thing as the temperature went down to 34F. It was so cold.
I also learned that my planned night jackets were just windbreakers and not insulated (apparently I am an idiot since I’m a cold weather treadmill runner). A warm fleece I brought was too tight and restrictive for running. The insulated 3DATF jacket, however, kept me very comfy. My central personal aid station location was a blessing and a curse. It had a seat to take off my shoes and store my stuff, but little privacy to get changed (I hadn’t thought about that part). Fortunately, there were metal stadium bleachers by the food court area, with the relatively dark but wide open back end facing the course. And thus I showed my shivering pasty white butt to those still on the course as I dropped trou and put on my evening winter clothes. My feet felt fine and I kept my socks on for fear on seeing what was underneath. I had running mittens on top of thin running gloves inside, thicker running leggings, a fleece hat and a Bakline insulated shirt, which I layered with another running shirt under the insulated 3DATF jacket. The clothes were just right if I kept moving—walking I was comfortable, running I began to sweat but could open the zipper, and stopping completely led me to quickly shiver. Still, after changing from day to night clothes it took me some time to warm up and stop shivering.
From prior ultras I learned that soups are served boiling hot, which only burns me as I sip and run. I had Mark fill a metal flask of hot chicken broth, which I then put to the side to cool so I could chug it later. Mark also filled my drink bottle before he left for the warmth of home.
I was now on my own in the dark (literally and figuratively). I continued running. Next was to hit 60 miles in 12 hours and maybe improve my 100k time. I mostly ran, doing some seemingly quick miles, but not quick enough as fatigue began to set in. My mind kept doing the math of X number of miles in Y number of hours to cleanly hit the 12 hour mark at 60. Going faster seemed like a bright idea but I didn’t want to kill my 101 finish chances by only focusing on the 60 miles in 12 hour goal. Miles 51-60: 19:12 (shivering), 28:51 (clothing change), 11:39, 13:40, 11:58, 16:25 (walk), 13:13, 11:41, 11:35, 11:37, 11:41, 11:53. The partial end result was 60 miles around 12:25 and 62 miles at 12:49 (my previous 100k best was 12:55), which was 9:49 pm. I was still on track but I felt very much under the gun. It was dark, close to my usual bedtime and I still had 39 more miles to do in 11 hours.
Unlike an unknown point to point course, with relative degrees of flatness and rolling hills in the eye of the beholder (and everyone having different definitions of flat and rolling), I knew this course pretty well within 3 miles (laps). Knowing how “Mount Augusta” actually felt after 15 hours kinda sorta allowed me to relax more in the absence of course surprises. But pace time was slowing, and though still doing better than 4+ miles per hour, I kept focusing on getting closer to 24 hours and running out of time. The biggest fear apart from not hitting 101 was getting so close to the finish but time running out. Anything can happen and it just may not be your day. At JFK 50 Mile, I met a runner early in the course who had finished it over 20 consecutive times. I later saw him in the post-race cafeteria. That day, he got pulled at the 46 mile cutoff. He looked demoralized and beaten. I did not want to be that guy. Every minute lost was putting me that much closer to my biggest fear. How bad did I want it?
Meanwhile, I knew I had to eat. I do not have an iron stomach and I get nauseous easily while running long distances. I can handle gel blocks but not Gu. I’ve tried traditional ultra foods, like PBJ and grilled cheese, and fig bars, but it can be hit or miss. I tried pickle juice, which I thought I didn’t want but it turned out was really needed and made me feel so good (alas, they ran out when I later went for a 2nd serving). Flavored fig bars tasted good until they didn’t. Gel blocks were fine if I swallowed them almost whole. I never touched the Clif bars I brought. Flavored apple sauce squeezer pouches consistently hit the spot but were only 80 calories. Chicken broth, once cooled, could hit the spot for liquid, calories and salt content. Gummy bears also worked but the cold temps made them solid, which made chewing and swallowing difficult. I had no dry heave but anything consumed started to make me feel like hurling. I now started my sugar and caffeine intake and drank copious amounts of cola and Mountain Dew. I learned that the daytime warm-ish drinks now were very cold from the night temps, which made me shiver. I also brought my own 2 liter bottle of ginger ale to try and settle my stomach and give me some sugar. I felt like a wild man slugging my ginger ale right out of the bottle. It helped little for nausea but was another energy source.
At night, it was quiet on the course. What had been a busy loop melted away as some runners called it a day (or night) and ended their race without fanfare, or achieved their goal, or took a sleep break. The marathon, 50k and 12 hour runners finished their runs. In a typical point to point race, you’ll see someone and possibly never see them again. The mile loop gave you a glimpse of each person along the way, sometimes good and sometimes bad, depending on how their race was going at that moment. Each runner each had their own story. I knew walking (or “hiking” in ultra parlance) was acceptable but seeing others walk, including the new multi-day record holders, was comforting. The time span also allowed for observation of each person’s ups and downs. Relentless forward progress is an ultra mantra but words are cheap at midnight.
I kept pushing. Each step forward was one less to worry about later. I took a walk-run breaks for miles 63-65 (19:34, 16:41, 19:13) but felt time slipping away as each were slower than 4 miles per hour. Alone on the course, tired, a little cold, thinking about how much more I needed to do, and most course spectators quiet or absent, my mind kept playing tricks. How badly did I want it? I just wanted that goddamn motherfucking buckle. I ran again for miles 66-70: 15:16, 12:52, 11:16, 11:21, 11:21. Another walk break at mile 71: 18:02, which I pushed to do at a brisk 15 minute pace but was disappointed by the slower time. Pushing myself to walk fast was hard to do, particularly alone. Every mile slower than 15 minutes ate at my possible cushion. 31 miles to go. Do the 50k and be done.
Fortunately I met Jeff, runner #2. I found him while running and just before I planned to take a walk break. I learned his knee pain prevented him from running but he could push himself to walk at 15 minute pace. His previous efforts for 100 miles had blown up, once in the upper 80s, and he was determined to get to 100 (he didn’t know 101 was the magic number for the buckle). He had earlier run faster than me and was 13 miles ahead of me (and on pace to hit sub 20 hours even if he walked) but at that moment in time we were at the same pace. At that point my running was between 11-12 minute miles but for how much longer? I wanted walk breaks, which helps the legs recover and gives part of your body a rest before putting more strain on it, but couldn’t keep walking on my own at planned 15 minute pace because my muscles were tired and leg strides too tight. I knew that ultra races for experienced runners fail near the end, not the beginning. Now that person with me.
Walking with him was difficult. 15 minute walk pace was faster than felt comfortable but that was the pace I had to do. I had read that improving your running time will help you in an ultra, but improving your walking pace will help you even more. It’s hard to shave off 1-2 minutes in running pace late in the race but easier to shave (or lose) 3-5 minutes in walking pace. Runner #2 was dialed in well for 15 minute pace and I tagged along (we each agreed to walk together) playing follow the leader. I kept pushing and eventually my legs loosened up and I could easily keep the 15 minute pace. Our mutual goal was to keep pushing each other. Later, as my leg muscles adjusted further and relaxed, the 15 minute pace became easier for me but a little harder for him. At a certain point I don’t know if I was pacing him or he was pacing me but we both kept pushing. Win-win for us both. Given his earlier faster pace where he banked early miles, he had more time available than me but he was aware of blowing up late in a race and I was aware of the clock and the 101 mile goal.
Though walking, we were passing other walkers at our 15 minute pace and even occasionally passing some other runners. As a result, I fast paced walked with Jeff for the next 18 miles. The tradeoff for me was time lost by walking but that seemed minimal, particularly given I didn’t know how long I could keep running. What seemed like a 90 minute time loss by walking at 15 min/mile versus running at 11-2 min/mile may in fact be much less if I couldn’t run at some point. Plus walking kept me in the game much longer versus a potential race ending running injury. BJ, an ultrarunner not in this race, fast pace walks many ultras, with multiple Last Annual Vol State finishes, and if it’s good for him than it’s good for me. Plus, I didn’t have much of a choice given my slowing pace.
As the miles clicked by, we’d drink soda, eat an apple sauce squeezer and I tried to eat a fig bar.
The race director had a video board by the start/finish line, which I didn’t look at for most of the race. I had my watch for my pace and as long as the chip recorded my time, I was happy. I knew I had 101 miles and obsessing about time and miles early on wasn’t going to help me. All I cared about was the goddamned motherfucking buckle. If I didn’t hit 101, everything meant nothing and it didn’t matter if 50 people were ahead of me or none. I didn’t know at the time it gave your relative leader position, which I explicitly did not want to know. It was easy not to know your relative position because you didn’t know who was entered in which race—the 6 day, 72 hour, 48 hour, 24 hour, 12 hour, 6 hour, or marathon. You could sort of guess by their speed (the marathon folks whizzed by everyone else) but at 12 hours into a race, most people are not looking fresh or acting like puppies let loose in a house. But if I were ahead of others, I’d feel great and possibly slack off. If I was behind, I’d feel bad and lose motivation. It was lose-lose. I had disabled the buzz feature at each mile marker and all I looked at was the completed number of miles. All I cared about was the number of miles left and my sole calculation was the hours/minutes to do it. As long as the number of miles remaining were less than the number of hours and divide by four, I was good. The more miles I did in a fast time meant more of a cushion if things went bad (and I expected things to go bad). 101 was the only goal.
But runner #2 knew his position and pointed out where on the board his relative position was each lap, which at this point was no longer hidden under a tent but shining large and brightly against the side of a barn at the start. It also showed our lap times, which were remarkably pretty consistent. Jeff was #2 (later #3). Now, once I saw my standing I kept looking at it, which ended up fueling my motivation. I was #8 at the time (out of how many I didn’t know), which was surprising (I eventually moved up to #7). We also looked at our mile pace, fueling ourselves to keep pace and go faster to sub 15 minute miles. Hours and hours went by at about a 15 minute clip. My watch was about to die at 75 miles so I stopped it for a recharge and went about 5 laps without a watch. An unexpected benefit was it allowed me to see the difference in pace running with some walking to just walking. Miles 72 to 88: 72-15:05, 73-14:46, 74-15:25, 75-15:03, 76-15:51, 77-14:58, 78-20:48, 79-14:43, 80-14:55, 81-15:04, 82-15:18, 83-15:46, 84-15:27, 85-16:00, 86-15:10, 87-15:16, 88-16:50. During this time the mile loop got very quiet. We were passing people and there were few runners out there with us. The family member who earlier ran the course in reverse clanging a cow bell was out again in the otherwise quiet portion (not where runners were sleeping) of the course, bringing lots of good cheer and, of course, some cowbell.
Trishul was right about night time difficulty. I felt down and unmotivated, but motivated, and I thought I’d go much darker or in deep despair. The mental low was not as bad as I expected. Mostly it was just I’m exhausted, I still have hours to go and I have a lot more to do. I knew I had to keep chewing the miles down one mile at a time. Keeping on track pace wise was helpful because meeting my calculations kept me happy mentally. If I started to slow down, and getting closer to the full 24 hours, I can imagine being in a worse mental spot. I don’t know if this made a difference but I didn’t keep track of time of day. I had a general sense but most of the time I had no idea of the time. My only focus was time spent, time remaining, how many miles I did and how many were remaining. Knowing the actual time of day was irrelevant. At some point I realized it was after midnight, which was a surprise only because after midnight seemed late and I knew of the 2am-4am expected difficulty. But it only meant I had 8 more hours to go. When we reached the 2am time period of difficulty, which I think we noticed at 3am, we were like this is how we’re supposed to feel and we’re feeling it. But any thoughts of dropping were generally minimal because I wanted that goddamn motherfucking buckle. My thoughts were squashed by Jeff, who had higher spirits and was so much closer to finishing, the realization that I had no place to go and that there were no warm refuges anywhere around and there would be none until 9am when my wife returned.
Jeff also kept the food down. Each time I ate or drank I felt nauseous. Jeff suggested antacid tablets, which he got from his tent along with small cans of soda for drinking along the way. I introduced him to applesauce squeezers. The antacids didn’t fully make the nausea go away but settled my stomach enough that I could eat, get nauseous and then reduce the post-eats nausea with the antacid. Though I thought I’d eventually hurl, and scouted out emergency hurl locations when we were in the runner tent area, I never did. If I did, I was all set with a new mantra: puke and rally. Fortunately, I had done lots of long slow running to increase my fat burning and reduce glycogen dependency, which reduced my food need, and I surprisingly never bonked.
(continued in the comments)

$16,350 - 45 Person MN Wedding Budget Recap

^{We already got our} ^{sneak peak} ^{from our 9.5.20 wedding (what you’re all really here for and I thought I'd share a budget breakdown (including our original estimates from our wedding! We were engaged in September 2019 and had a 12 month engagement. Our original plan was to invite 200 people and had already sent our save the dates when COVID-19 blew up. When we sent our formal invitations out we cut it down to 75 people (our immediate family, wedding party and their SOs, grandparents and aunts and uncles knowing that there were quite a few that wouldn’t be able to attend as we wanted to keep it closer to 50 for safety reasons. We sent everyone else a virtual invite to watch via Facebook.})))
^{I used The Knot for keeping track of our guest list and gifts and created a budget spreadsheet for tracking all our wedding costs and making checklists for things to be completed as we got closer to our big day.}
**Numbers:*\*
^{Invited: 75}
^{RSVP’d Yes: 45}
^{RSVP’d No: 30}
^{RSVP'd yes but did not attend: 1}
^{Our original plan was to invite 200 people and had already sent our save the dates when COVID-19 blew up. When we sent our formal invitations out we cut it down to 75 people (our immediate family, wedding party and their SOs, grandparents and aunts and uncles knowing that there were quite a few that wouldn’t be able to attend as we wanted to keep it closer to 50 for safety reasons. We sent everyone else a virtual invite to watch via Facebook.})
**Budget:*\*
^{Original: $21,295}
^{Actual: $16,350}
^{I figured after we had to gut our in person invites we would save a lot of money – but in reality there were a lot of set costs regardless of how many people were there (venue, photographer, etc. We did still come in a little under 5k under budget which I was happy with because I never thought I would be one of those people to spend this much on a wedding. Prior to getting engaged I always said I could do it for under 10k but after finding the venue, photographer we wanted (pictures were very important to both of us I knew that wasn’t going to happen unless I wanted to change my expectations. I did splurge on little things closer to the end – but that was after I knew we were coming in under budget.}))

^{Combined, both sets of parents generously offered us $9,000. Totally unexpected but helped take the stress off!}
^{My husband and I contributed $4,945}

^{Our priorities going into the planning process were as follows:}

^{Venue with both indoor and outdoor options, beautiful photography, great food.}

Bridal Attire, total: $1,212 (estimate: $1,625)
Wedding Dress: $920.00 (estimate: $1,000)

^{David’s Bridal Galina Signature SWG820}^.
^{David’s Bridal ordered me the wrong dress and they didn’t charge me the difference when it came in (saved an extra $100. My dress was on sale (originally $1399. I had no idea that I would ever spend this much money on a dress. I initially budgeted $500 but my husband convinced me to bump it up. In the end it was totally beautiful and I didn’t want to take it off. My favorite part about it was the cleavage. I normally dress pretty conservatively and really wanted to wow my husband at the first look haha.}))

Alterations - $162 (estimate: $500)

^{It was already the perfect height for me so I just had bigger cups put in and had the shoulders taken in due to my short torso.}

Jewelry, Shapewear, Shoes, etc - $130(estimate: $125)

^{I got some rocking} ^{navy blue Kate Spade Keds} ^{and have zero regrets. I trip in heels and was going to have to walk out on the grass.}

Groom’s Attire, total: $660.00 (estimate: $500)
Suit- $400 (estimate: $300)

^{Custom suit from Men’s Wearhouse.}

Accessories - $125 (estimate $100)

^{Had to buy a tie and new shoes.}

Dress Shirt - $135 (estimate $0)

^{My husband waited until 3 days before the wedding to buy a new shirt and paid $135 at a high end store \}face palm*)

Stationary, total: $815.64 (estimate: $450)
Save The Dates – $60(estimate: $100)

^{Ordered using business postcards off of Vistaprint}

Invites – $260(estimate: $150)

^{Had to order twice off Vistaprint due to changes to number of people we were inviting to attend in person. Thanks COVID-19.}

Stamps - $152 (estimate: $200)
Venue, total: $4,350 (estimate: $5,000)
^{The Hitching Post}^{(Detroit Lakes, MN} – $4,000 (estimate $5,000))
^{I did a ton of research getting quotes before we even went to look at a venue because I didn’t want to fall in love with a place that was going to cost an arm and a leg. My friend is a wedding videographer and actually suggested I check into this place as he had never heard of it before he shot a wedding there. It’s hidden away on some back roads in lake country – and is a two story barn able to hold up to $350. There were quite a few features I loved about this place:}

^{Wedding could be inside or outside (no need to worry about weather})
^{It was all DIY but had pretty much anything you needed at no extra cost. Tables and chairs of all sizes, tablecloths, table décor, arches, chandeliers, signs, vases, lights – you name it. You could set it up however you wanted! I even left some of the décor I bought myself so the next lucky couple could use what they wanted.}
^{Sound system included. Had we not gutted our in person invites we would have still had a DJ – but this was a great option as we didn’t have to buy any sound equipment to do our own music/MC.}
^{Cabins on site – Cabins were available for an additional charge so the entire bridal party could stay on site for the entire weekend!}

Event Insurance - $350(estimate: $0)
Food & Bar, total: $2,553 (estimate: $4,490)
Catering - $1,060 (estimate: $2,600)

^{We used} ^{Spitfire Bar and Grill} ^{and ordered appetizers and buffet styled meals. We were going to go with plated due to COVID-19 but week of they advised us they didn’t have enough people working to actually hand plates out to tables and they would be required to go up and be served by a server just like a buffet. In the end we had small enough groups that I wasn’t worried while saving a ton of money.}
- ^{Plated Apps - (1 cheese and crackers BBQ meatballs})
- ^{Dinner- (1 Mixed green salad, “spitfire” beans, pasta salad, buns and three types of meat – (1 Pulled Pork, (2} rotisserie chicken, and (3) brisket)))
- ^{Non-alcoholic Drinks – (1 pop, (2 water (3} coffee)))

Plates, Napkins, Cutlery - $202 (estimate $100)
Chips and Water from Costco - $45 (estimate $80)
Dessert - $200 (estimate: $190)

^{Cakes by Althea} ^{(Moorhead, MN made both our}) ^{two tiered cake} ^{and 75 cupcakes. Originally was planning on getting sheet cake from Costco (YUM for our guests but made changes due to COVID-19. We had three different flavors of cupcakes and they were to die for. We didn’t have any left which means most people had two haha!})

Bar – $450 (estimate: $1,000)

^{Bleachers (Detroit Lakes, MN We bought a keg of beer for our guests to enjoy and the rest was a cash bar (originally were planning on buying three when we had a larger guest list}. This also includes the non-beer drinks we bought for fun (hello shots).)

Flowers, total: $787 (estimate: $900)
Floral Package - $545 (estimate: $545)

^{Stems of Joy Floral} ^{(Hawley, MN I found a local florist to do mine and my two bridesmaids bouquets as well as the corsages and boutineers for the important people})

Bulk Flowers from Costco - $257 (estimate: $200)

^{I was skeptical about getting bulk flowers from Costco but holy crap they were AMAZING! I wanted simple flowers at all of our guest tables as the decorations. I ordered 200 stems of baby’s breath, 100 stems of assorted greenery, and 50 white roses.}

Officiant, total: $0 (estimate: $0)

^{One of our good friends officiated for us – it made the day extra special.}

Photography, total: $3,200 (estimate: $3,000)

^{Kensie Wallner Photography} ^{12pm – 8pm. Kensie is a a friend of multiple friends and I’ve seen her work over the last couple of years and fell in love with her work. She was the perfect style for us (more candid/outdoor photos and honestly told my husband that I didn’t care how much she cost – we were going to have her! Photography was more important to us than videography and neither of us wanted to cheap out on it so we just went for it! Her price also included an engagement session that we did earlier in 2019.})

HaiMake Up, total: $265 (estimate: $200)

^{Hair by Hannah Hendricks at Bucci Salon} ^{(Fargo, ND This included a trial and haimake up the day of. Lashes included. The stylist was extremely talented and I could not have wished for anyone better.})

DJ: $285 (estimate: $1000)

^{PowerPlay DJ} ^{– with COVID-19 we decided to skip the dance and play yard games instead. We did still pay for a DJ to play the ceremony music and provide the mics. Worked out great. The rest of the night we used the sound system provided by the venue to use for our first dance and parent/child dances and I created a “Wedding Bangers” playlist on Spotify while we played yard games.}

Rehearsal Dinner, total: $155 (estimate: $1,000)

^{The Roadhouse (Lake Park, MN We were going to pay for food and the first drink for our 30 guests and my husbands parents surprised us and bought everyone’s meals so we just had to cover the drinks! It worked out sweet for us!})

Everything Else, total: $2,068 (estimate $3,130)
Emergency Fund - $0 (estimate $1,000)

^{We were so happy we didn’t need to use our slush fund!}

Breakfast and Lunch Day of - $187 (estimate: $230)

^{We bought breakfast muffins and bars from Costco and then ordered subs from Subway for lunch (bought cookies and chips from Costco as sides})

Bridesmaids Hair - $230 (estimate: $300)

^{To help with bridal party costs we paid for their wedding hair.}

Groomsmen Suits - $300 (estimate: $300)

^{My husband picked some snazzy (but spendy suits and to help offset the costs we paid $100 towards each of their suits}.)

Favors - $281 (estimate $0)

^{We were not going to do party favors when we had a larger invite list – but once it was smaller I felt I had more money to do something fun! I made personalized hand sanitizers and ordered personalized can koozies.}

Other Décor and accessories - $350 (estimate: $200)

^{I ordered cheap IKEA picture frames and used them as} ^{table numbers}^{. I designed the} ^inserts ^{myself and printed them off at Walgreens. Also printed off a bunch of pictures for a memory table and used existing frames and when I ran out I bought a bunch at the dollar store. Bought fairy lights and extra batteries off of Amazon and never used them as well as 200 yards of Gossamer fabric for random decorating needs. I used about 50 feet of it. Honestly I thought I was going to need to decorate a lot more than we ended up doing because the barn was so beautiful. Wasn’t planning on making a emergency kit myself but I panicked and made one which ran about $50.}

Tips - $390 (estimate: $400)

^{Tips for DJ, baker, HMAU, servers and bartender.}

Gifts - $330 (estimate: $300)

^{We had 2 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen, 1 officiant, 1 flower girl, 2 ushers, and 4 parents to get gifts for.}

Other Expenses Not Accounted For:

^{Bridal Shower. Thrown by one of my good friends. It was absolutely perfect.}
^{Extra Masks and Hand Sanitizer – I just knew we needed them}
^Manicure
^{Gifts for the Bride/Groom. I bought custom} ^cufflinks ^{for my husband and he bought me artwork that drew out a voice recording of his vows from Etsy.}
^{Our rings}^{. We had separate money set aside from our wedding fund.}

Things that went well / made the night special:

^{First look with my dad – My dad had half his tongue removed last year and rebuilt using his arm as well as a 3 months of chemo and radiation. It was a rough time for my family and having him alive today to walk me down the aisle made the day even more special and I wanted some one on one time.}
^{First look with my husband – for obvious reasons.}
^{Spending the entire weekend with our wedding party all in one place. We hadn’t seen each other in person because of COVID-19 and we really needed the bonding time.}
^{Our memorial table. I do not have any surviving grandparents and my husband only has one and was nice to have them included in some, small way.}
^{Cake topper}^{. I LOVE manatees. I found the cutest manatee bride and groom toppers and the splurge was totally worth it.}
^{Our vows. We wrote our own vows and it was just perfect.}
^{My shoes – choosing to wear sneakers instead of heels kept my feet from aching!}

Things that didn’t go so well:

^{The DJ didn’t download our ceremony music and was planning on streaming. Problem is we were having the ceremony outside and there was no wifi. Thanks to problem solving from an usher and our officiant they used one of their phones and the DJ help a microphone up to the phone speaker. I didn’t know anything was awry until someone told me afterwards!}
^{Because the music debacle took so long to fix we started our ceremony late. We were streaming via Facebook using my phone on a tripod and it overheated and crashed and had to be restarted as we were walking down the aisle but it started streaming by the time my dad and I walked down. Again – had no idea – our usher handled it all.}

^{The months leading up to our wedding was very stressful for both of us. On top of the pandemic – my brother suffered a broken neck and traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident 6 weeks before our wedding, and my husband’s mom had a stroke two week prior. Thankfully both were able to attend and we were even more thankful they were there. The wedding weekend was amazing – you could tell we all needed some quality time with our loved ones. While it was small - it was full of the people we are closest to and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Everyone was very respectful about wearing masks inside the venue day of and being cognizant social distancing before and after our special day.}

wedding table decoration ideas cheap video

Even if you have a small budget to spend on the wedding centerpieces for your reception, it doesn't mean you have to compromise on style. There are many cheap wedding centerpieces that look more expensive than they actually are. It can be advantageous to look at wedding centerpiece ideas to help you come up with your own design that will have your guests talking about how stunning it is. Jan 18, 2020 - Explore SQBCCleveland's board "inexpensive wedding centerpieces", followed by 213 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about wedding centerpieces, centerpieces, wedding. Lacy Table Linen For Weddings with Pink Rose Centerpieces. Image Credit: Blogspot Printed Wedding Table Linens Ideas. Add glam and vigor to your wedding reception with cheap table linens designed with colorful prints. Colorful wedding table linens can add a zesty ambiance to the entire wedding reception. Printed table linens for weddings are easy on the pocket and would be cheap table linens I like your ideas it was helpful, wedding decorations its most important in the party, it makes the guest enjoy it, for cheap wedding decorations and saving your time partylifter.com its gonna help a lot, you can pick your decorations, food, bartenders, servers, DJs, photographers …on the app, basically you don’t need to do anything ,just With 50 creative ideas that you can make for your wedding using Dollar Tree items, you can definitely create cheap DIY wedding decor ideas that look anything but inexpensive. Creativity and a bit of your time are going to net you some do it yourself wedding decorations that look as good or better than what you can pay for, plus you will get to Wedding decoration ideas can still be incredibly unique on a budget. Your guests will love the extra-special care you gave to having their names spelled out in elegant calligraphy. Fran Johnson House laser cut table names for wedding parties, from $1 each, Etsy.com Modern Cocktail Napkins Cheap wedding decor ideas that don’t look cheap. After the venue, the decor you choose sets the theme and mood of your wedding, whether you’re going for rustic, winter, refined, or a unique alternative. Choose decor ideas that match your theme and shop smart. There are almost always low-cost options for the exact decor accent you want. We thought we’d use the launch of their shop as an excuse to show you a bunch of different ideas for decorating big empty spaces with lots of cheap (cute) decor. Because with a cool idea, bulk decorations in a big empty space can actually look way more stylish than the intricate details you see on those fake weddings on Pinterest. Here are 15 of the best cheap DIY wedding centerpiece ideas that are just as easy to make, as they are affordable: 1. A succulent centerpiece for nature-lovers. Planning a wedding can be expensive, so use these cheap wedding decoration ideas to plan a DIY wedding on a budget. Planning a wedding can be expensive, so use these cheap wedding decoration ideas to plan a DIY wedding on a budget. Edible Wedding Table Decor; Continue to 5 of 7 below. 05 of 07. It's a Sign . Hanneke Vollbehr / Getty Images

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DOLLAR TREE WEDDING CENTERPIECE DIY AND IDEAS 2019 - YouTube

Hello Everyone This beautiful, yet inexpensive, centerpiece was created with items from the Dollar Tree and Dollarama. This will make your wedding table l... Getting married and looking for some inexpensive DIY decor ideas for weddings? Full tutorials here:https://diyjoy.com/dollar-tree-wedding-ideas/Tying the kno... Follow me on Instagram:http://www.instagram.com/bargainbethanyDOLLAR TREE HOME DECOR PIECE MENTIONED IN VIDEO (UPLOADED JANUARY 14,2019): https://www.youtube... W3DD1N6, Wedding Decoration, Wedding Decoration Ideas, Wedding Decoration Rentals, Wedding Table Decoration Ideas, Wedding Reception Decoration Ideas, Cheap ... http://wedding-decoration-ideas.donnareviews.com -- Wedding Decoration Ideas 5 Cheap Wedding Decoration Ideas 1. Use White Christmas Lights You can use white... Join Our Elegant Creators Academy TODAY for FREE ️ http://bit.ly/ecacademy Join Our Free Facebook Group ️ http://bit.ly/elegantcreatorsfbgroup Become a Spo... Hey Friends! Thank you so much for checking out my first video :) Sorry that I talked for like 10 years, I'm just passionate about wedding centerpieces I gue... Easy Wedding Table Decorations IdeasSubscribe now to get more videos : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJtt5HMq33POXe3-RVfjqfw?sub_confirmation=1 Elegant and cheap wedding centerpiecesFour candle holders from dollar tree Adhesive silver wrap from dollar tree Decorative filler from micheals Flowers from... W3DD1N6, Wedding Decoration, Wedding Decoration Ideas, Wedding Decoration Rentals, Wedding Table Decoration Ideas, Wedding Reception Decoration Ideas, Cheap Wedding Decoration Ideas, Wedding ...

22 Eye-Catching & Inexpensive DIY Wedding Centerpieces

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Alright I started planning and need outside advice :)

The Stocking Chronicles: Episode III

My Personal GOTY Rankings! 2019 - Blaire Wilson

Boundary Stomps 24

Boundary Stomps 24

Summary

Disclaimer

On with the show.

Late to everything

Canceling plans at last minute (malicious compliance)

Stealing Easter Eggs from Children

Destroying your Non-Stick Pans

Fishing for compliments - manipulation - reduction to absurdity - self deprecation

Doesn't believe in vaccines

Calling you Gay

Competition

Parenting Decisions

Call the police on you for kidnapping their 21 year old son

Need Just NO to do something so they start a fight and leave

Religion

Not Really Family

I just pretend to go along when people are talking, and then just do whatever I want

Unwanted Intimate Advice

You can't draw too

You can't go to gifted school, because your Cousin wasn't accepted

Photoshopping my kids for Facebook

Stealing School Lunches, raiding the food bank

Putting your number on Craigslist

You must be exorcised

Stealing your creative ideas

The Wedding, or When I Learned My MIL Was Ridiculous

Three Days at the Fair--My 1st Hundred, or Holy Cow I Can’t Believe I Really Did It

Ideas Needed for a Picnic Wedding!

Three Days at the Fair--My 1st Hundred, or Holy Cow I Can’t Believe I Really Did It

$16,350 - 45 Person MN Wedding Budget Recap

wedding table decoration ideas cheap video

wedding table decoration ideas cheap top

DOLLAR TREE WEDDING CENTERPIECE DIY AND IDEAS 2019 - YouTube