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The Future That Never Was: KITTY KITTY - #2 THE TWISTED HEIST

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Previous chapter (RETRO COSMOS)
#2 - THE TWISTED HEIST
A star had just gone out in the distance, sending its entire system, planets and moons, into oblivion. So, what was a simple life compared to a sun? Did the human existence that earthlings highly cherished in the past deserve so much fuss?
I would say no, of course, because I’m a cat. Our condition to us felines will never have to pale in front of a shiny astronomical object. Mine specifically, don’t you think?
Oswald Avery was merely a Homo sapiens. A retired buccaneer, fermenting his adulterated wine on the carcass of a drifting supercargo; all under the remodeled features of a former Galactic Trade Company’s pilot. Alas, regardless of the genetic disguise, the FID rarely lied. It hadn’t fooled us and the masks had fallen off. Just like him.
I’m such a poet.
Anyway… Avery had had a long life of crimes and adventures. He was full of energy in his youth. And as in the universe, nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed, this energy was reincarnated in a nice amount in our bank account once the old picaroon flatlined.
“We finally got it! And it was a traditional Martian contract. Payable remotely, on condition that the FID is validated. How about that?”
“God… Lee … you’re talking to yourself and it’s only 8 a.m.,” Ali grunted behind me.
My couch potato of an associate had her head still stuck in the cereal box she was nibbling before falling asleep binge-watching Captain Caveman on ABC.
“To begin with, it’s 8 p.m., Martian Time. And we do have a positive balance in our bank account for the first time in months! Do you know what that means, partner?”
“Shopping, bitches!” she shouted as she hurled herself into the void, gliding to the bathroom in the weightlessness.
With the cardboard box on the top of her head, this sugar bishop was swimming after the remnant cereals that floated on her path like Ms. Pac-Man.
“Hell! Have I just opened Pandora’s box?”
The liner Danaë and its forty-eight post-nuclear Baltimore-XVIII heavy reactors made its annual cruise from Lunapolis to the suburbs of Ceres, in the belt. Its figurehead with the effigy of the Greek princess was a two hundred meters long, green ceramic statue. The size of the ship exceeded some inhabited asteroids’ diameter so it possessed its own substantial gravitational field.
“It’s quite a symbol of the decline of humanity,” I said to Ali, pointing with my chin at this unique work of art.
“Why?” my partner asked without caring whatsoever. “Spill the beans, Plato.”
The Kitty had obtained permission to dock and began its approach. I concluded then:
“Humanity no longer erects great and beautiful things without turning them into a shopping mall.”
The gold and ivory Danaë was one of the most luxurious epicenters of human decadence in the system; comprising hotels, casinos, megastores and amusement parks spread over a dozen centrifugal rings. There was something for everyone’s wallet, ready to be emptied, whether one was welcomed at the port or had joined during the crossing.
And to my great regret, the cape of the Danaë was just passing by us that week.
“I believe we should keep our savings for the maintenance of the Swallow. The dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree. Some parts need to be changed…”
“You’re such a bore with your adult talks,” my partner said as she left the fitting room of a luxury chain overlooking the main deck. “What do you think of that? Sexy as fuck, right?”
Her camisole didn’t hide a single inch square of flesh and I subtly pointed it out to her:
“It’s a bit of a back-alley Sally.”
I took a blow on the nose which, this time, was amply justified.
“There’s nothing chicer than Borderline. You don’t know anything about fashion. It’s crazy!”
She was furious. It was entertaining. But she was right. The human female fads were way over my head and I wasn’t a good adviser. Mostly because I didn’t care. At all.
Fortunately, the upscale shopping mall where we were staying had provided us with a free assistant who was even more servile than a decerebrate canine. As usual, the robot carrier that accompanied us did the job by flattering her with its unbearable honeyed tone:
“I find you charming, Madame. Here we have the latest fashionable lingerie on Mars. It’s an ephemeral collection that appears to have been specially made to mold your discreet curves, which seem to have been sculpted by the seraphim.”
Ali gave me a satisfied look that I pretended to ignore. Then she backtracked into the fitting room to put her black suit and pink jacket back on.
I took the opportunity to climb on the shoulders of this silly robot, servant of our servants and last link in this hierarchy whose origins go back to Ancient Egypt.
“One more move like this and I’ll turn you into a gum dispenser.”
The automaton apologized before my partner’s head emerged from behind the silk curtains which were far too fragrant for my taste.
“I just checked; it’s too expensive anyway. I ain’t buying it,” she announced. “Can you order a taxicab to take us to the hotels’ ring? You’d be a sweetheart.”
Happy to leave this irascible human with her robotic slave, I proceeded to the nearest service terminal. By the time I requested a vehicle, a flying cigarette dispenser could light me a Lucky.
“It’s forbidden to smoke in our store, Monsieur.”
The customer attaché, in his blue silk suit with elephant legs, had appeared out of nowhere. Yet, with such a shiny tie, this punk should have dazzled me from the Kuiper belt.
“Please be kind and get me a Pepper Coke instead of ruining my eyesight…” I grumbled in response.
I was in an awful mood. I definitely hated shopping. And people. Yet the pedestrian avenues of the Danaë had a very exceptional population density. Perms were making a strong comeback, as were neon tattoos and overly open flowered shirts. Under the false UVA/B sun, it was a true dance of flesh, steel and plastic bodies with assumed nudity. Implants and surgery erased the hazards of the genetic lottery for better or worse. It was so superficial. So futile. So human.
“Hello, handsome!” Ali cried out, a large smile across her face. “Lee? You didn’t tell me you knew Christophe Lambert! You know I'm a huge Highlander fan!”
My partner had just joined me, arms loaded with bags massive enough to live in it, start a family and park my chromic Pontiac Firebird. All were filled with C$400 t-shirts and sneakers that she didn’t need and would only put on once.
“No smell. Hologram,” I conclude by throwing my cigarette butt through the smiling ghost.
“Shame!” Ali sighed.
She then looked at her terminal, and continued:
“Do you think I have time to grab a watch module? There are sales in the Japanese aisle! I saw some GD-8 that would go well with my new Game Pocket! This boat is fucking rad!”
Ali could not stop humming Who wants to live forever. I had to rub my temples to avoid a migraine before the arrival of our taxicab five minutes later.
These were miniature limousines with double fake leather benches, facing each other at the back. There was a minibar with expensive multicolored drinks and sugar-soaked snacks, the sapiens’ primary source of calories and high Gs space travel drug. For the sensitive, the smart-fridge provided diet sodas with aspartame, but no one took it. Finally, there were free Gauloise cigarettes next to the ashtray on the armrest. And even Tylenol!
“What a time to be alive!”
Right after leaving the fashion district, a soft voice of a young woman, who appeared to us through the armored porthole separating her from her customers, finally emerged from the cockpit:
“Good evening! I’m Miss Meera. At your service. Hotel de Saint-Malo, correct?”
I nodded. She smiled at us. She was beautiful with her incredibly dark night metal skin that contrasted strongly with her silvery-white hair. She also had charming ivory eyes with absolutely no reflection. They were a mesmerizing void of light.
In fact, it was so rare to deal with a real person, and not an AI, that we engaged rapidly in a lovely and honest discussion with Meera. We were mostly talking about life on the Danaë. As she stated, the rules on board were very strict, even military. All was done to make sure that the customer had the most pleasant time at the expense of everything else. Finally, according to her, her condition wasn’t the most to be pitied in the cosmos. And she was fully satisfied with this precarious semi-nomadic existence.
“And what about you? Are you here on vacation or in transit for work?” she eventually asked. “What do you do for a living?”
Should we have told her that we were executing infamous people so Ali would collect expensive t-shirts and I could fulfill my nicotine addiction?
“Don’t get me wrong but I saw that you had a gun. Are you in the police… or are you pirates?”
It wasn’t the first time someone asked us this question. Although weapons were allowed on most ships and stations, it wasn’t wise to display them unless you were looking for trouble. Unfortunately, hiding such a large caliber under such a tight vest was a Herculean task.
“You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone”, simply quoted Ali, her forehead against the window covered with scented stickers.
Meera laughed before continuing:
“Very well, Al Capone. I understand that you’re not the type to let yourself be taken advantage of.”
The taxicab entered the central expressway after the water park then suddenly swerved violently to the left.
“What is going on?” I gasped.
After crushing the safety railing, we fell from one rotating bridge to the other in a frantic cavalcade. Judging by Meera’s swear words, this ride wasn’t part of the show.
Avoiding the stalls of an art market and a group of children coming out of an arcade, the driver finally managed to recover in extremis. It was about time, because within seconds we were passing through the transparent protective wall of the hotels’ deck.
“A thousand apologies! Another one of those mor… clients from the Middle System who doesn’t know how to use a rental car,” she shouted through the window. “Are you guys hurt?”
“No, thanks to you,” I replied, my tail spiked over my head, taped to Ali’s neck now decorated with bloody scratches.
Although my human forehead now had a bump on it the size of a golf ball, it was true that Meera had just saved our lives. This young girl had unsuspected driving talents despite taxicabs’ lack of handling. She didn’t belong here, playing the steward in a yellow circus uniform. This woman should have been a fighter pilot; or a NASCAR driver on Canyon Creek.
“In any case, here you’re almost in front of your hotel,” she replied. “You don’t have to pay anything, and I apologize again for the scare.”
From the outside, the taxicab now looked like a can of nutrigel after going through a crusher. Yet, it still worked. May God Darwin bless Venusian steel.
After thanking her, we wished Meera a good day. But the cockpit window suddenly went down on the passenger side. The smile of the driver had faded. She had tears at the corner of her white eyes.
“Wait!” she asked. “This weapon… do you really know how to use it?”
So, life on the Danaë wasn’t so sweet. As Meera explained to us in a secluded alleyway, a trio of criminals had come to threaten her a few days earlier, after finding she was a bodacious driver. They were preparing a heist in one of the flying city’s fifty casinos. The young woman was now ready to pay the price to settle the case.
“What is your opinion about this whole situation?” I asked Ali, once in our room, a small yet cozy suite whose glass walls overlooked the vacuum of space.
My human had applied a brownish ointment on her hump, which disappeared soon after, leaving only a slight pinkish hematoma.
“Meera said she would provide us with more details tomorrow. However, if she ponies up the cash, I don’t see why we would refuse. We ain’t mercs but these three guys must have a bounty on their heads. Let’s do our job, right?
“Indeed…”
All we had to do was wait for more instructions. Fortunately, it had been months since we had been able to take days off except on miserable gas stations full of drug addicts, implants scavengers and prostitutes.
After another morning of shopping, Ali went to the thalassotherapy center of the neighboring hotel. Her main occupation? Overeating sushi made by 3D nutrigel printing while getting massages.
Alas, I didn’t have the time to bask under the false sun of the lakeside resort and get my belly stroked. As a good captain, I had to go to the maintenance to fix the numerous damages of the Kitty. As always, the bill would be higher than expected.
Everything was orchestrated so that we would never hold a positive balance in this corrupted system. We had to chain contract after contract.
But Meera’s gig didn’t sound right. There was something I didn’t like and I couldn’t catch it yet. All my cat sensors were in the red. Unfortunately, the bounty hunter’s ones only saw the green of the bills.
Don’t judge me.
The young taxicab driver had finally contacted Ali again by holoconference in the early afternoon, shortly before I joined her at the exit of the tanning booths. Or as I called them: human toasters.
“Have you finished roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey?” I asked her as she plunged into the icy water of the adjacent basin, under the lustful gaze of a group of cadets from the Marine Academy.
“Meera will pick us up with a new taxicab in the hotel parking lot,” she whispered once back to me. “Alongside her, we will meet two of the criminals at the burglary location, shortly before midnight.”
“Go on.”
“We take care of these guys and we catch up with the last one: the band leader, in the storage cavities of the hangar reserved for the ship’s logistics. Below the last rotating ring.”
In Eve’s costume, Ali came out of the basin, not without deliberately drenching me. The water had a nasty chemical taste from being filtered day after day.
“Do you have any intelligence on these jokers?” I insisted while lighting a cigarette.
“The Broadway Gang. Three brothers. C$45,000 for the trio. We will also be able to recover at least C$10,000 of Techno-federal tax on their ship depending on its condition. Easy cash with the dollar credits that Meera promises us…”
Now sitting on the ledge, my partner splashed her feet to demonstrate her eagerness to head back swimming.
“Excellent! This will pay for the maintenance and allow us to save some money on our way to the belt.”
“Can I go now?” she asked, sliding back into the water.
“You may,” I had concluded before seeing her leave for her absurd wanderings that would fill her afternoon.
I myself was very busy making eyes at the wealthy guests of the hotel restaurant to glean a few pieces of Peking duck or juicy crabs. They were real farm animals from Mars. Not nutrigel. It was worth abandoning a little dignity aside.
With a full belly, I finally joined Ali in the middle of the evening. Arriving in the corridor of our suite, I crossed the group of cadets noticed near the swimming pool. They seemed tired but blissfully smiling as they just discovered the nirvana. And I knew why…
“Ali? Are you ready?” I said as I walked through the half-open bedroom door.
Her dressing gown had been thrown on the floor. Her gun and badge were resting on the bedside table against a giant bottle of Koala Springs soda and a pyramid of little Yoyo Mints.
To be honest, I expected a bigger mess.
“Gimme five minutes,” she replied while in the shower.
An hour later, we met Meera in the staff parking lot behind the recycling stations. Without further discussion, we joined the expressway in the taxicab. Between two noisy info-ads, the radio played Sweet Transvestite then the rest of the mythical Rocky Horror soundtrack.
“I wonder what Tim Curry’s up to these days,” asked Ali while browsing the intraweb on her implant.
“Being legendary as usual,” I answered.
Afterwards, the casino was in sight. But once on the forecourt illuminated by the gold and silver bulbs, we heard gunshots and screams. My partner and I quickly realized that this was a violent robbery rather than a modest heist.
“What the fuck, Meera?” Ali asked, turning to the porthole that separated us from the cockpit.
There was a hint of irritation in her voice.
Meera remained mute, her hands on the wheel and her gaze forward. In the rear-view mirror the young woman looked panicked.
The right door of the vehicle suddenly opened and two men sat down in front of us. They were wearing theater masks: the first was Melpomene, the sad grimace of tragedy; the second, Thalia, the twisted smile of comedy. Each brigand carried a huge metal block under his arm; drawers that were sure to be full of cash. On the other hand, they held their still smoking ZeG-4 machine guns even more firmly.
When they saw us, they both gasped, in unison:
“What the fuck, Meera?”
One… two. One… two.
Four holes in their faded tuxedo. Four bullets as big as a cat’s eye that silenced them forever, before slowly repainting the bench in red.
“What the fuck was that? You killed them!” Meera shouted this time, as she started the electric engine. “You had tasers at your disposal, you psychos!”
She had finally turned around. Her voice was quivering. She was no longer panicked, but angry.
The tasers must have slipped between the seats because I hadn’t seen them. My partner raised her eyebrows and it made me realize that their use had never been in mind.
“We’re bounty hunters, not 9 to 5 social workers!” continued Ali. “Now, you gotta motor, otherwise the cops will shoot our ass on the spot before we could even meet the third dude!”
Meera put her foot on the pedal and one could almost hear the noise of the thrusters melting the white asphalt.
“I can perceive the sirens, Ali,” I concluded before Meera entered the ring's external road reserved for logistic transport.
We then had the shortest car chase we had taken part in. The Danaë security forces may not have had the best elements in the system, but Meera’s talents didn’t give them a chance. We had crossed half a dozen rotative bridges to the rhythm of Take on Me, zigzagging between expressways and maintenance tunnels to arrive before the song ended at the deserted logistics hangar.
It was similar to a huge supermarket with honeycombed shelves. Each of these garages, dimly illuminated by red LEDs, housed a delivery or transport vessel. There was the most impressive fleet I had ever seen.
In one of the first level’s cells stood, between a set of clamps, a Swift-0 scout, from Peugeot Corp, with wings spread. The Swifts were small and very high-end single-seaters. They could be modified to integrate weapons systems, but their primary characteristics were velocity and evasion.
Leaning on the flank of the mono-turbine, the last of the three criminals, a tall blond man with a “Chevy Chase” prominent chin was looking down on the approaching taxicab.
“Were they planning to escape on that ship? The three of them?” I remarked when the vehicle stopped a few meters from the small vessel.
But Meera ignored me.
“Hand me the money, I’m going out. That was the agreement.”
The porthole opened at its base, allowing us to pass the steel cash drawers. Once the taxicab’s ignition was turned off, only their holographic numbers glowed in the dark.
“It’s all over if his cronies don’t stick their noses out of the car,” Ali replied, finally giving the second drawer away. “He’s going to figure out that it went south. He will kill you!”
Outside, the man was getting impatient. Blinded by the taxicab’s headlights, he came closer before exclaiming:
“Zéphyr, are you there? Where are my brothers? Security is closing all the departure modules. We will be stuck here, for fuck’s sake!”
He now had a gun in his hand. A machine gun identical to those of his companions currently bathed in their blood, nailed to the seats.
“Zéphyr? Wait… I know that name!” I meowed to myself.
The doors and portholes of the taxicab were locked. Ali and I were now stuck in the back with the two flatlined and most wanted criminals on the ship.
“Sorry guys, but I’ll handle the rest.”
Miss Meera, alias Zéphyr, smiled at us through the armored glass just before leaving the cockpit by the driver’s door.
“What a fucking piece of shit… Lee? Do you have a plan? I think the windows are bulletproof. I don’t feel like testing. Especially if it’s bouncing around with us inside, we will be turned into ground beef!”
“Did you forget who I am, my dear?”
I was already crawling under the seat, between a pair of Méduse shoes and half nibbled fried rat wings. It was time to demonstrate all my infiltration skills learned from Ninja Gaiden. Unfortunately, both the crab and the duck slowed me down and my belly remained for a few seconds stuck under the driver’s seat with my head on the brake pedal. How outrageous!
From the porthole, I saw Ali watching what was happening in front of us, near the ship. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I could read on her lips: “diet kibble”.
“Better off dead!” I shouted.
My paw reached the bottom of the dashboard, activating the mechanical opening of doors and windows. And, accidentally, the loudest horn in this dimension.
“My bad!”
My sapiens immediately jumped outside, pointing her gun to Zéphyr. Surprised by the thunderous din, her target pivoted towards us, uncovered, turning her back to the human with the magnificent chin and his ZeG-4 who yelled:
“What in the whole universe is that? Wait! I know her! Did you bring us bounty hunters? You were clearly planning to double-cross us!”
The man shouted and his gun produced a rain of bullets. It first hit the windshield of the taxicab, passing through the conductor compartment where I was. The rounds bent the windscreen, but it held. This wasn’t, however, the case for the hood, protecting the engine and the reservoir full of coolant, which ended up covering the seat and my face.
Fortunately, the sticky alcohol allowed me to escape from this trap and jump out of the vehicle through the window I had previously opened. But, once again, a fire ring enveloped the ZeG-4’s cannon.
“This is how I die…” I meowed, eyes closed.
I was violently tackled and hit the ground. Zéphyr had saved me at the last moment, just before bullets obliterated the front of the taxicab.
Other projectiles ricocheted off the metal money drawers on the floor and got lost in the ceiling, activating the fire sprinklers. This incident triggered a silent light alarm throughout the hangar while the mobster prepared a new salvo.
“Don’t hurt my pilot, you narbo!” roared my partner.
Ali, this time taken as a target, retaliated. She fired a single shot towards the rascal with a formidable precision. No one knew how to handle such a heavy gun as she did. She was my human. She was the best in her field: murder.
And I taught her everything. Almost.
The leader of the robbers tried to reload the magazine of his weapon, unaware that his heart had been punctured a few seconds before. Adrenaline was doing its job. But the blood loss caused by the explosion of the aorta at its base, near the ventricles, gradually stopped him in his gesture. His pressure dropped and the bloodstream no longer reached the brain sufficiently. He was already in a coma when his shoulders touched the ground. He was luckier than the average Joe and died a few seconds later.
“Is everything all right?”
My voice was trembling, still in shock from this disaster. I was wet and frozen.
Zéphyr got up with difficulty. Next to us, one of the metal drawers was opened, revealing a bunch of green bills and a much stranger booty: an eight-inch gold diskette with suspicious Chinese symbols.
Well… I couldn’t read them but Chinese symbols on stuff are always suspect, aren’t they?
But there were more important matters. Because my partner, on the other hand, stayed on the ground. Blood was dripping from her black suit and mixed with the clear firefighting fluid that was falling like an endless rain.
I tried to talk to her again but my voice was lost in a groan.
“Why are you whining, you big baby? It’s just blood.”
With her nose in a puddle, my sapiens smiled at me. Her left hand was compressing her abdomen. The bullet had passed through the external oblique muscle, far from the stomach.
It wasn’t that bad after all but she had scared me. And that deserved a scratch on the wrist that made her scream:
“What the fuck?”
“And the medical expenses? Have you thought about medical expenses? We don’t have insurance!”
“God, Uncle Scrooge! I hate you!”
“We won’t be able to fix the Kitty with your heroic outbursts!” I fulminated to mask my joy of seeing her in one piece.
“I will kill you, Muppet! I almost died! I don’t give a fuck about your rusty trash can which flies like a brick!”
It was true that we hadn’t had a fight for a long time.
“Guys…” intervened Zéphyr.
“What?”
Ali and I had spoken together.
“These three ruffians had planned to steal the diskette drive from me once I got back. I needed a hand, so… thank you… I guess.”
“You’re welcome,” my human answered dryly while sitting.
Although Zéphyr saved me, I didn’t share the same kindness:
“Wait, we’re not letting him go! Do you know who he is?”
Zéphyr. Prince of thieves. And yes, he wasn’t much of a princess either. Just an androgynous cyborg. A breakout king wanted throughout the entire system for his affiliation with the Data Brokers’ Guild. With an incredible bounty of C$800,000, she or he… whatever… was the knight of the brokers’ chessboard.
“I think we’ve had enough for today,” Ali said. “Unless you hope to go after him with these big fat guts of yours.”
“By the 79 moons of Jupiter, you shall pay for this, woman!” I meowed, angry.
My ears were backwards and my hairs were spiky. But soaking wet, it just made Ali and Zéphyr laugh.
Disgrace!
“He’s so cute when he’s furious,” he joked.
Now on his knees, the night-skinned androgynous was blotting Ali’s wound with a torn piece of fabric from his driver’s uniform.
“But more seriously, I need to go. With the bounty, you’ll be able to repair your vessel. As for the hospital fees, I will contact a good friend who will take care of you for free. She’s the ship’s chief medical officer.”
“Thank you,” I simply replied as he helped my partner get back on her feet.
“It’s the least I can do. I wasn’t interested in money. More important information is contained in this,” he said as he was picking up the floppy disk.
This golden diskette must have been worth a lot of cash for Zéphyr to play a taxicab driver to ensure coverage. I had perceived that something was fishy!
Then, halfway to his Swift-0, Zéphyr stopped. I witnessed his hesitation.
“There was nothing personal, you know. We’re all just trying to make our way. The best we can…”
And he ultimately left before adding:
“Maybe we’ll see each other again! You seem like fun.”
Before fleeing away, Zéphyr abandoned one of the boxes near the criminal’s corpse. Thus, he validated the theory of a robbery that had gone wrong. When the security arrived a few minutes later, we were the heroes of the day. And with a little bribe, nobody cared about Zéphyr’s missing ship.
This whole story surely left us a bitter taste. A feeling of defeat and humiliation that the swimming pool under the synthetic sun couldn’t make disappear even a week after.
“He undoubtedly played us as we were rookies, with his little face of a young innocent girl in distress,” I said to Ali right after the end of the daily Brett Maverick.
This old show was dispensed on a couple of giant screens suspended by drones.
Until now, Ali had remained silent on her deckchair; with a brick of sour juice stuck between her breasts and a pair of straws between her teeth. Only inaudible grunts emanated from her mouth since the departure of the sexually unclassifiable mugger.
“I wonder what information this fucking cyber-Tootsie could have been looking for in that casino,” my human mumbled as she squeaked her rainbow flip-flops.
“Admit that it’s not really that question that puts you in such a state…” I answered, now well installed on my motorized buoy that I had gotten as a gift in a diet kibbles package.
“You bet! I will have a nasty tan mark on my stomach with these bandages!” she exploded, spitting out her plastic straws with infinite curls.
My float slipped towards the ledge as a robot came to bring us our next glucose overdose.
Ali finally added:
“I swear that if we run into him again, I’ll smack his fucking angel face.”
Back to business!
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(Eastern) Mysticism is a fundamental part of the show: some long sunday evening thoughts

TL;DR: The Sopranos was ultimately about suffering and the search for Enlightenment.
So during my current rewatch I have been pondering about the fundmental role of mysticism, mainly Buddhism, in this thing of ours. I should say beforehand: despite the fancy title of this, I have no particular knowledge about buddhism bar the essentials (or any spiritual tradition for that matter) so I hope that people who can contribute more than I can feel encouraged to talk about it in this thread.
Also, I haven't seen season 6, where the most visible connection is, for a long time so I'm sure I have misremembered things. Nevertheless I feel like this perspective on the story and ending isn't nearly talked about enough (if at all) espcially when you consider that some of the main actors were and are buddhists. Also David Chase, altough I'm not sure if he is a buddhist, has talked in interviews about mystics and its relation to the show and the many mystical and paranormal experiences in The Sopranos shows that he is definitely open to it.
I've noticed that Eastern mysticism is a very recurrent theme in this show. There are multiple (Western) spiritual and philosohical traditions clearly visible in the story such as catholicism and existentialism, but I have always found all the references to eastern spirituality somewhat out of place for a late 90s mobster environment. From the top of my head from the first five seasons: Father Phil gives a book to Carmela about buddhism for her to read, Dr. Melfi mentions it regulary and seems quite aware of it, Richie Aprile's new perspective on life and his yoga, obviously Janice a.k.a fucking Parvati, Paulie and Sun Tazoo, Gloria was a buddhist, Tony uses multiple buddhist phrases (wrongly) from Gloria and Melfi, etc.
I think, which becomes especially clear in season 6, that the story of Tony is that of a man looking to get rid of his suffering (which is the inevitable consequence of being human according to the Buddha) by searching for lasting and real hapiness, freedom and peace (the infinte nature of Enlightenment, the 'goal' of buddhism and all mystical traditions). Apart from finding out that enlightenment is everyones true nature, by meditation and living according to its implication, most spiritual traditions usually state it is possible to get a glimpse of the infinite, or to 'see behind the veil' of the finite mind, in the living realm by near-death experiences and by the use of sacred (psychedelic) plants.
I would argue that Tony glimpses the infinite freedom and peace (Enlightenment) in season 6 on two occations, during his coma (near-death experience) and at the end of his peyote trip. In his coma dreams we see another direct reference to eastern spirituality: the buddhist monks and Tony's name, Kevin Finnity. In his dream, his subconcious is looking for Kevin Finnity, or if you remove the -Kev, in Finnity. In this scene, Tony says to the monks that he "came here [to the monks and monastry] to find Kevin Finnity." When he says how he has his wallet and his briefcase, but that he is not Him, the monks start to laugh. He is saying that he is not Infinnity, and that is funny to them, because the buddhist view is that everyones essence is that of the same and only enlightened and infinite Self. 'A man named Kevin Finnity walks into a monastry and says that he can't find Kevin Finnity' sounds like the beginning of a buddhist joke or Zen koan.
It is worth noting that after waking up from his coma, Tony feels very happy and free from his psychological burdens for a short period of time (I forgot exactly how long this was, maybe a few days or an episode?) He doesn't know why, but he seems joyful and aprreciative of the small things in life. However, the hapiness quickly slips out of his hands and the weight of his human life proves to be to much: he 'relapses' as old routines and psychological habits come back in his life and they are worse than before because of the added frustration of his unability to catch and preserve the hapiness and peace he felt in the wake of his coma. As a result, Tony is doing worse than ever.
Now to the peyote trip. Peyote has been a sacred plant since forever in shamanistic socieites and is seen as a way to communicate with God. The connection with the coma dream is established by the light of the lamp in the room where he does peyote, which is the same as the view he had in the hospital room. A bright and clear light represents in many traditions the light of the one Conciousness, or our God or Buddha-nature, or whatever words are used for THAT. Over the course of the season after the coma, we've seen Tony slowly and than quickly move away from the light. By taking Peyote, he enters back again. In the casino it is already established he ponders the nature of the Universe, by comparing the roulette table to the solar system. In the afterglow of the trip, the great scene in the dessert, he has a great insight; he GETS IT. Now we could argue what it is exactly he gets, but if the narrative I'm trying to create here holds any truth at all, it would make sense he has a revelation about the nature of himself and the universe. As you probably know, 'Ego Death' is a very common experience on psychedelics: the dissolution of seperation between subject ('me'; or Ego) and object (the 'outside' world). Everything simply 'is' and there is a true feeling of oneness with everything. Now, this experience is practically impossible to verbalise and conceptionalize to your peers; the best you could come up with is something like: ".....and the sun....... came up....." (OH YEAHH??)
No worries, I'm coming to some sort of end as I'm getting hungry, but in this season we have seen two moments where Tony found what he truly longs for the most: two 'spiritual' experience that lead him to feel happy and at peace, but that quickly deteriorates because he, nor anyone in his environment, understands them and he feels like he has no-one to talk about it. Thus, old habitual ways of thinking, feeling, perceiving and behaving come back- and of course worse than ever before.
We have seen the failed quest for enlightenment from Tony in this series. He longs, searches, finds, grasps and loses it over the course of the seasons. The only way he has been able to find it, is by diying. David Chase said the following when asked about the ending:
After a brief pause, Chase then said that he’d come across a quote from author Carlos Castaneda that came the closest to summing up everything that had been going through his head as he wrote the final sequence: “Warriors don’t venture into the unknown out of greed…to venture into that terifying loneliness of the unknown, one must have something greater than greed: love.” He then mentioned another quote from the finale that he felt was equally appropriate to the ending: Paulie Walnuts’ declaration that “even in the midst of death, we are in life. Or is that vice versa? Either way, you’re halfway up the ass.”
The cut to black is not a visualisation of death, but a representation of that what is written in the buddhist teachings as the essence of Tony, you, me and the entire universe: the Emptiness, Void, or primordal Awareness in which everything exist and ultimately out of which everything is made; including the cycles of life and death. The black screen is neither death or life: it points to that what contains both, our infinite awareness.
I've been yapping worse than six barbers here so I would be impressed if people actually read it, but wha ya gonna do huh
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The Sequels, Reviewed


The Force Awakens
Not all that horrible as far as the sequels go, at least in the first half, but still severely lacking and bad. It was meant to look and feel at least sort of like Star Wars, but it was the façade, not the substance. A desert planet that's basically Tatooine with fewer buildings and more space junk, two-seated TIE fighters, slightly different stormtroopers, an obtuse reference to the trash compactor in Episode IV, and much more. Even in the midst of this movie's boatloads of manufactured hype, I could tell that Kylo was a weak character, maybe Poe, Finn, and Rey too, not to mention that Starkiller Base was an obvious piece of lazy writing, and Captain Phasma and Maz Kanata turned out to be disappointingly underused characters. I'll admit that it felt a little fun and inspiring how easily Finn and Rey beat Kylo Ren at the end, until we realized that Rey was going to be overpowered like that for the entire series.
Leia was also barely recognizable. The quick-thinking, spunky personality that made her such a great character is gone and she's reduced to nodding and saying "yep" to everything Rey says and sighing about how difficult Poe is. Speaking of the original Skywalkers, I was disappointed that this movie didn't have a lot more Luke, and maybe some of you are, too.
Perhaps the only fair-quality moment is Han Solo's death, but it had been rumored for months, maybe close to a year before the movie came out, so a good %60, arguably more, of that scene's potential effect was out the window. We've seen how powerful unleaked twists can be- just look at Baby Yoda, for example! The creators of The Mandalorian were careful not to leak his existence, even latening merchandising opportunities for it- and, for the next few months, the Internet went crazy for him. They missed a big opportunity to make the film substantially better by simply guarding their secrets better. George Lucas understood this concept. Heck, the biggest spoilers of the Original Trilogy- Luke losing a hand, Darth Vader being Luke's father, and Leia being Luke's sister don't even appear in the original script for The Empire Strikes Back. The then-secret of Luke's father didn't even come out when the scene was filmed! Specifically to keep it from seeping out, Lucasfilm had James Earl Jones instead say "No, Obi-Wan killed your father!" And dubbed over it later. Darth Maul's second blade was similarly concealed in the advertising for The Phantom Menace.
Finally, it irritates me that the scene in which General Hux picks up Kylo Ren and takes him to Snoke wasn't in the theater version, or that it was an after-credits scene, which you can't easily catch in theaters. You shouldn't have had to buy the DVD version to see extra content that you didn't know existed. It was a cheap move both in writing and storytelling, as it deprived a huge portion of the viewers some information that would be vital to the next movie: that Kylo Ren survives, and that Snoke is important.
We were all excited for this movie. Kylo Ren looked so cool and we were finally getting new Star Wars movies! But when you strip away all the idle hype over it existing, there was little in this movie. It was a virtual A New Hope remake with better visuals and some story tweaks, nearly all of them for the worse.
In regards to the ending, putting a main character into a coma was an unbelievably clichéd idea.
As I walked out of the theater where I saw it the first time, I overheard people discussing it, a little confused, and already finding inconsistencies.
The Last Jedi
The snail bombers needed much better defenses to make them make sense, but they were a metaphor for the entire movie; constant, nonsensical run-around action that's not very satisfying nor leads anywhere. It distracts from the barely-existent plot, and it's bad writing in general. Instead of tactically pausing the action when it showed the Resistance fleet in space to give the movie some pacing relief, the directors had something explode every 10 minutes.
And, though this doesn't bother me as much as it does some people, Luke's state of being in this movie was too severe in ways. I'm all for tragic character arcs, but him completely shutting himself off from the Force was a step too much. The rest doesn't seem too irrational to me, (sure, he thought about killing Kylo, but he was a major threat to his small, fragile Jedi school.) But I cannot easily see him having such bad luck that he throws away the superpowerful set of abilities that he had chosen to define him and his life for the past 30 years. He had seen firsthand how powerful a force of good it can be. This was especially interesting considering how acting on emotion is against the Jedi way. But, in all fairness, he had failed a substantial number of important people to him and, though the sequels shouldn't intrude on the originals like this, possibly many high, old hopes of bringing the Force back to the Light Side that had seemed achievable since defeating the Emperor. But instead of trying again and learning from his mistakes, by shutting himself off, he buried the Jedi's last hope.
Returning to the subject of this movie's use of action, the Praetorian guards fight scene was cool to watch the first time, but it seems very rushed and easy looking back, especially weighing that there are piles of weak, frequent action scattered around this movie, in the form of things like the First Order destroying the Resistance's medical frigate and Rose, Finn, and BB-8 dodging Kanto-Bight police. When there are action-packed moments spread all around a movie like this, it loses its effect. You stop caring about the action because you've seen so much of it, and so it gets less exciting, and lots of effect that should have been saved for the really combat-heavy scenes is lost to them.
Speaking of the "casino planet", I have some issues with those scenes, too, though not as much as many people. The first couple shots were actually a preciously rare bit of world-building for the sequels, but the effect drained out quickly. Apparently, everyone being a rich gambler was the whole theme of that town. Rose also apparently put unsaddling a space horse above freeing child slaves, not to mention that they somehow had Earth-design cakes in an extragalactic tea room.
Rey's "conga line" Force vision was bad, and a blatant, obvious attempted remake of the Cave of Evil, but at least this movie did SOMETHING with the Force. I wouldn't be surprised if Disney made the Force non-canon.
The Holdo Maneuver was interesting, but very bad for the villain presence at the end of the film. After Snoke's Super Star Destroyer is run through, (along with several others, but it's unknowable how many because of the darkness in that shot) Kylo orders to gather "all our forces", which turn out to be just a few gorilla walkers, Ren's shuttle, and one big gun. The end of the movie had me thinking less in terms of "oh, the Resistance did some damage to the First Order, but the First Order crippled them back!" And a lot more "Both sides may have decimated each other. Now neither side is very strong."
Majorly, the Matrix reference during Luke and Kylo's 'duel' should never have been in there. Star Wars movies shouldn't follow references. If anything, they should be the movies that are referenced later!
Finally, it was as true in this movie as the last one: the scene aboard the Millennium Falcon should NOT have been DVD (or, in today's case, Disney+), exclusive! Fans deserved to know that Rey had the pieces of Luke's lightsaber and that the Jedi texts survived. Their survival made no sense all the same, but better to get it then and there than to be surprised by yet another plot hole in TROS.
The Rise of Skywalker
In addition to being a weak ending in general, TROS, in my opinion, has the most plot holes of any Star Wars movie, which is saying a lot, and missed a lot of opportunities TLJ tried to give it.
As most of us can attest, the writing in this movie was horribly inconsistent, a result of JJ Abrams, Rian Johnson, and some Disney-imposed fan service (and deadlines) fighting to write the script, I suppose. We see Rey struggle a little bit, but not enough to break her out of her status.
The visuals are amazing in the first eighth or so- the Blood Net, that space glacier thing, Exegol- but it was still ruined by the trademark Rian Johnson cheese and JJ Abrams nonsensical banter that was mixed in. Let's see what was written into those few scenes: a gaping hyperspace retcon, TIE fighters that can somehow track through lightspeed, that insufferable line "Win the war!", and a quote repeat by Palpatine that all but ruined the beloved Revenge of The Sith version.
And Kylo Ren's helmet gets fixed. I became disappointed as soon as I saw this in the trailer. Everyone complains about the porgs being a blunt merchandise-grab, but I'd say this is substantially worse. Yes, the red looks cool, but it outright undid one of the most meaningful moments in the entire trilogy. In addition to looking intense, that moment in which Kylo smashes his helmet on the elevator wall showed that the money-hungry makers of this trilogy might have been willing to give up a little iconography for the sake of a richer story. But they proved eager to take that back. Not only did they just reintroduce one of the most overused images of the late 2010s, but they tried to shallowly make it look cooler. Especially pointless given how the helmet was heavily shown in the advertising, but barely seen in the actual movie. And, according to the novelization, the remains of the Supremacy where combed through for the helmet's pieces. That had seemed like promising scavenging ground for one of my own trilogies, but enough about that.
The world building in TROS was okay, but the characters were awful. Exegol and the aforementioned space formations looked epic, Kijimi (the snowy mountain world), was an interesting planet, but, like Anch-To, suffered from a lack of one solid theme. That desert planet had the opposite problem: it was a near-complete clone of Tatooine, Jakuu, and Nevarro (the desert planet from The Mandalorian). And the culture of the festival held on it didn't go as deep as I hoped. The Death Star ruins should have caused apocalyptic damage to the moon they landed on, but at least we finally got to see the plains of Endor... sort of.
Now onto the characters. Rey got a few tiny, tiny tinges of development (when she accepted that girl's necklace at the desert festival and oiled D-0's wheel), but for the most part just remained too powerful. Palpatine is defeated YET AGAIN because he can't wrap his head around the thought that when someone is blasting your own Force lightning back at you and using it to kill or severely weaken you, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T KEEP BLASTING!! Rey just holds up two lightsabers to him and becomes invincible and unchallenged. Kylo Ren is probably at his worst in terms of development. (Last word: "Ow.") Nearly all the new-this-movie characters: Babu Frick, Jannah, and the D-0 droid, were either placeholder characters or merch-generators. Or both. The Knights of Ren and the Sith Troopers were both grievously underused; again, largely merch-bait, and from Rey we got a healing-a-troubled,-dangerous-creature-with-the-Force scene that we've seen at least four times in Star Wars by now. It was supposed to be impactful, but other, better writers had gotten there first.
Finally, I felt that there was something wrong with the final battle. Every ragtag fighter in the galaxy suddenly just decides to come and blow up some ships, and then much the same thing happens again 20 minutes later. (Though we do see the Ghost, captain Rex's starfighter, and a Mandalorian starfighter, which I find very exciting.) And the Final Order had been working on those ships for the past twenty years. I think they'd find something as obvious as a weak spot in the cannon. Sith hubris can't make you that stupid, especially considering that finding weak spots is very much on the lines of how Sith think.
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Although bad on several levels, the sequels can teach us something. They don't show us what good Star Wars is, but at least they show us what bad Star Wars is. They've fallen into pits that it is now up to future Star Wars writers to find and avoid. That's one of the reasons why intelligently criticizing Star Wars is so important.
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Jan. 1, 2001

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUS YEARS ARCHIVE:
1991199219931994199519961997199819992000
Hi everybody! Man, I missed y'all. So in case you missed my explanation for why I took the last 2+ months off, basically my whole life changed recently. Wife got a new job that required us to move to a new city. Which meant I also had to find a new job, we had to sell our house, find a new place to live, get settled in a new city, and all that fun stuff. It's been a really hectic and crazy couple of months, but everything has worked out great and we're all good now. A million thanks to everyone for all the nice messages and well-wishes during all this. You guys are awesome and SquaredCircle is by far my favorite corner of the internet.
In the midst of all this, I finally managed to get caught up on writing these things. My plan is to hopefully keep the usual M/W/F at noon EST schedule that has worked so well for the last couple of years. But full disclosure, that may not always be possible. My last job was pretty comfortable, I could sit at my desk and surf Reddit while working at the same time and it was never a problem. My job situation has changed so this will probably be posted during my lunch breaks and that might vary. So while I will always try to post at around the same time as everyone is used to, that may not always be possible. So just bear with me while we make this work.
That's pretty much it. And now, let us begin....the final year of the Observer Rewind!
Oh yeah, one other thing. I hate to come back after such a long absence and drop a turd. But this issue kinda sucks and there's almost nothing major happening this week. But don't worry, they get better from here!
  • Dave opens the first issue of 2001 with a look back at the top wrestlers of 2000. The Observer award votes are still being tabulated and whatnot but Dave decides to look at the top candidates and give his own personal thoughts.
Kurt Angle had a star-making year. One of the best talkers in the business and already one of the best in-ring guys after only really one full year. Dave says if he continues to improve at this rate in 2001, barring injuries, he may be the best in the world by this time next year (yup).
Chris Benoit is probably the best in-ring guy in wrestling today and his jump from WCW to WWF (along with the other 3) pretty much tore the heart out of WCW and they've never recovered. Benoit was going to be a main eventer and likely multiple-time world champion in WCW, headlining PPVs and TV, and who knows what may have been different if he had stayed. They almost certainly would have still self-destructed, but at least the matches would have been better.
Triple H is the likely Wrestler of the Year winner and Dave wouldn't argue it. He spent 2000 as one of the top guys (alongside Rock) in WWF and had numerous MOTY-quality matches, was a top draw for PPV, tickets, ratings, everything. Held the title repeatedly. An incredible feud with Kurt Angle that unfortunately fizzled out but was great while it lasted, etc. Hard to argue that Triple H had the best 2000 out of anyone in wrestling.
Toshiaki Kawada. Without him, AJPW ceases to exist in 2000. His star power and that alone is the only thing keeping that promotion alive and the feud with NJPW has put Kawada in a position of having dream matches that will sell out the Tokyo Dome. His match with Kensuke Sasaki was one of the biggest matches in the history of Japanese wrestling. And in ring, he's a Benoit-level worker. You could argue that other wrestlers were better this year, but nobody was more valuable to their promotion than Kawada was to AJPW.
Mitsuharu Misawa didn't really have the kind of amazing in-ring year that he's been known for in the past. But the importance of the NOAH split from AJPW is hard to overstate and was likely the biggest business story in wrestling all year in Japan (worldwide, Dave thinks the slow death of WCW is a bigger story in the long-term). If this award was for most influential wrestler outside the ring, Misawa would get it due to the successful start of NOAH.
The Rock should probably be the favorite. He's not the in-ring talent that Triple H has, but he's still pretty damn great and has had some classic matches this year. He was the top draw for WWF by far and kept the company afloat with Austin out injured for most of the year. Plus, his sheer celebrity and mainstream value to the company is huge.
Kazushi Sakuraba is a controversial pick and there's been a lot of debate over whether he qualifies, since he's MMA and not pro wrestling. Dave argues the case to why he should be eligible but it's hard to make a fair comparison to wrestling. But Sakuraba's historical legacy in MMA was cemented this year when he started beating members of the Gracie family one-by-one in PRIDE. Speaking of......
  • Kazushi Sakuraba added another Gracie head to his mantle last week, defeating Ryan Gracie at PRIDE 12. It was controversial because Gracie came into the fight with a shoulder injury suffered in training a few days earlier and doctors had told him not to fight. Gracie agreed to still do the fight but only if it was limited to a 10 minute time limit, which fans didn't find out about until the day of the show and booed the shit out of it. There may have been an agreement made before the match because though Gracie's injury was well-known (Gracie cut a promo about it before the fight, about how their family is tough and they don't listen to doctors and yada yada. Basically, giving themselves an out if/when Gracie inevitably lost), Sakuraba never went after it in the fight. But he dominated the match and won by decision after the 10 minute time limit. He has now beaten Royler, Royce, Renzo, and Ryan in the span of the last 13 months (and that's why they call him the "Gracie Killer").
  • The next major story is a recap of the recent RINGS show, and then a brief note that TV ratings aren't available and then....that's it for the top front page stories. We're already halfway through the bulk of the issue and there's not much on actual wrestling at all so far. Just a bunch of MMA recaps. Let's see what the second half brings us...
  • RVD will likely be appearing at the AJPW Tokyo Dome show in late January. No word if he'll work a match but he's at least hoping to be there for the Stan Hansen retirement ceremony, since Hansen helped him a lot in his earlier years when Van Dam worked for AJPW in the early 90s.
  • The biggest show in Pro Wrestling NOAH history took place last week, selling out a 12,000 arena. Shinya Hashimoto debuted, pinning Takao Omori. Kenta Kobashi beat Jun Akiyama in a match many are calling the best of the year. Hashimoto is expected to work a few more shows for NOAH but he isn't signed.
  • A couple of rookies in NOAH are getting a lot of praise. Takashi Sugiura is already being compared to Kurt Angle, because he's a former amateur wrestler who is making a good transition. And the other is Kenta Kobayashi (later KENTA and then Hideo Itami), who will actually main event a show next month, teaming with Kobashi (the names are SO similar) against Misawa and Marufuji.
  • Dave saw NJPW's latest show (which aired on PPV in Japan) featuring an inter-promotional match against with AJPW's Masa Fuchi and Kawada against NJPW's Takashi Iizuka and Yuji Nagata and he gives it the full 5 stars. Which is funny because on most lists you find online, this match isn't listed. Most people thought NJPW didn't get a single 5-star match between 1997 and 2012 but in a throwaway paragraph reviewing this show, he calls it a definite 5-stars and potential MOTY. So there ya go: the lost 5-star classic.
WATCH: Masa Fuchi & Kawada vs Takashi Iizuka and Yuji Nagata - AJPW vs. NJPW inter-promotional match
  • Antonio Inoki will have a 5-minute "exhibition match" at his New Year's Eve show (Dave is seemingly unaware at this point that Inoki's opponent will end up being Renzo Gracie).
  • Legendary wrestler Johnny Valentine is on death's door. Back in August, he broke his back falling off his front porch, which nearly killed him. In September he nearly died from a lung infection. He's been in and out of comas throughout that time and now he's back in the hospital again for the same reason (he ends up hanging on until April).
  • Dave saw the latest TV taping from the UPW indie promotion in California. WWF sent the Hardyz and Lita to work the show. Juventud Guerrera, Christopher Daniels, and Michael Modest were on it as well. WWF developmental wrestler Nathan Jones recently started there. Of all the guys working for UPW, Prototype (real name John Cena) shows the most promise. He's got an incredible look and superstar charisma, but he's not that good in the ring yet. Dave hopes he won't be rushed to the big leagues too soon because he will be exposed and it's hard to overcome the rep as a bad wrestler. Lots of people have been comparing Cena to a young Sting. Either way, Dave thinks the guy has a ton of potential to be a star if they don't fuck it up.
  • RVD seems to have accepted the idea that he's not going back to ECW and has said at some point in the next few months, he'll decide whether he's going to WWF or WCW. His agent has had talks with both companies. WWF is interested but they're more interested in Jerry Lynn because apparently the wrestlers in WWF who have worked with both of them prefer Lynn (RVD kinda had a reputation for accidentally hurting people). WCW is interested but can't do anything because there's a hiring freeze right now. RVD is probably the most marketable free agent on the market right now but there's still no guarantees of anything for him.
  • Randy Savage will appear in the Spider-Man movie as villain named "Saw Bones McGraw" (close enough, Dave). They're filming scenes with him and Spider-Man in a cage match.
WATCH: Randy Savage as Bone Saw in Spiderman
  • ECW held a show at the ECW Arena that was said to be somewhat of a weird show. The crowd was down from usual, only about 1000 people, rather than the usual over-packed crowd. Everyone on the roster were given checks post-dated for the following Tuesday, which now leaves them 6 weeks behind on pay. But there's no more shows scheduled until the PPV next week. Super Crazy returned, even though his father died the night before. And during the main event, Sandman tried to recreate the famous chair incident from a few years ago, asking fans to throw chairs in the ring, which many thought was pretty negligent considering how dangerous that is for all the fans at ringside. Justin Credible caught a chair in the head that he wasn't prepared for and several fights broke out in the crowd during the incident also, due to fans getting hit by other fans. Then security ended up attacking fans and it was a whole mess for awhile there. (And that, folks, was the very last real ECW show ever at the ECW Arena. Pour one out for the end of an era.)
  • Notes from the latest ECW Hardcore TV: neither the Dudleyz match or the Tazz promo from the tapings aired. Dave assumes WWF wouldn't allow it. Joey Styles talked about Mikey Whipwreck having 17 documented concussions which Dave thinks is pretty scary. That's basically it.
  • Notes from Nitro: Kevin Nash, DDP, and Sid Vicious all returned and none of them were punished for walking out last week, nor was Scott Steiner punished for his off-script promo. Nor were he or DDP punished for their backstage fight. Eric Bischoff flew out the day before and basically sat down with everybody to hash out their problems. He gave everyone the impression that he'll be taking over the company in 2001 and is trying to start things with a clean slate. Needless to say, there was a lot of resentment from the undercard wrestlers about top stars being able to just walk out of live TV tapings, shoot on the mic, and get into fights and not only go unpunished, but be put right back on TV the next week in their same top positions. Lex Luger walked out earlier this year and came back in a stronger position than when he left. Buff Bagwell has been in and out of trouble all year, is hated by much of the locker room, but still gets significant TV time in the uppercard. Meanwhile, guys like Lance Storm and Mike Awesome are out there every night busting their asses (with Awesome fighting to overcome the career-killing 70s guy gimmick) and they're barely a focal point of the show. Some in management wanted to punish everyone who walked out, but with Bischoff expected to take control any day now, they were afraid to because it's no secret that DDP and Bischoff are close friends, as are Bischoff and Nash. So it was believed any punishment levied against them would just be overturned by Bischoff anyway. Anyway, this is the Nitro that isn't airing in the U.S. but was still taped for international markets. Not much in the way of storyline progression, mostly just matches.
  • Former wrestler Tom Zenk was on a radio show discussing the potential WCW sale to Bischoff, calling it "a fire sale to the arsonist" and saying Time Warner is selling the company because it's not profitable, to the guy who made it unprofitable to begin with.
  • Remember an incident last year where Bagwell punched a ring crew member and got charged for it? Bagwell plea bargained out of it and was ordered to pay a $500 fine, one year of probation, and perform 20 hours of community service. At the time, Bagwell was suspended for 30 days over it, which cost him approx. $45,000 in pay. A rare example of WCW actually punishing someone.
  • WCW sent a few guys (David Flair, Mark Jindrak, Sean O'Hair, and Jung Dragons) to work the NWA Wildside show, which is their developmental territory. Speaking of, wrestlers Air Paris and AJ Styles have been stealing the shows at the Wildside events lately.
  • Road Dogg was sent home from the Smackdown tapings and was suspended indefinitely without pay. At this time, there's no plans to bring him back. He showed up in bad shape to the tapings and had a match teaming with K-Kwik against Lo Down that was said to be an embarrassment because of his performance. WWF wants him to get his life in order before they even consider bringing him back. He's gone through rehab a couple of times but it never took. Dave says the difference between WWF and WCW is that chances are, you're not going to see Triple H and X-Pac going on TV for the next few weeks doing Road Dogg's catchphrases and trying to go into business for themselves on his behalf, unlike some people. (Here's the match. I dunno, doesn't seem any worse than Road Dogg's usual bad matches. But you do hear the commentary talking about Road Dogg looking out of it and hinting that maybe he has a concussion. And you can definitely tell that he's a little off his game, but if you didn't know to specifically look for it, I doubt you'd really notice. He was never Ric Flair in the ring to begin with.)
WATCH: Road Dogg & K-Kwik vs. Lo Down
  • Notes from Raw: they had a hardcore match with Blackman, Holly, and Raven that ended up outside in the 9 degree winter weather. Dave feels sorry for those guys out there in tights and no shirt wrestling in that. The RTC cut a promo talking about how bad the internet is. (I went on the Network and watched this and it's great. Bull Buchanan cuts a promo on the APA's "Always Pounding Ass" shirt and then Goodfather finished it off with this quote: "The internet has become a harbinger of nothing more than filth and decay. The world wide web is there to trap you until it slowly strangles all the goodness from each and every one of you!" Well, he's not wrong.)
  • WWF officially sold the hotel and casino they bought in Las Vegas a few years ago. The original plan was to remodel the hotel as a WWF theme hotel, with a TV studio and small arena so they could hold live shows. But they quickly realized that it just wasn't feasible and have spent the last two years trying to sell it. They finally unloaded it for $11.2 million which is about $2 million more than they paid for it in 1999, so at least there's that.
  • There's been talk of bringing Bobby Heenan back to WWF to do commentary on one of the B or C-level shows, but that discussion seemed to go nowhere. Larry Zbyszko will also be getting an announcing audition soon and has pitched himself to be the new WWF on-screen commissioner as well.
  • The Rock was supposed to be doing announcing for the Orange Bowl Parade but WWF pulled him out of it. The company is being extremely protective of Rock right now and want to make sure he looks good in any non-wrestling mainstream thing he does, and there was concern about him doing commentary on a parade since, I mean, wtf does Rock know about parades? They didn't want him to look out of his depth or put in a situation he wouldn't be good at.
  • Update on WWF possibly moving out of Titan Towers: right now, many of the employees are doubled up in offices because they've outgrown the building and are out of space. There's been talk that they may sell the building and move to a new location soon.
  • Davey Boy Smith had another hearing for allegedly making death threats towards Bruce Hart. He pleaded not guilty. Bruce's estranged wife Andrea is now living with Davey Boy. His previous charges stemming from threats against Diana Hart Smith and Ellie Neidhart were dropped. Smith now says he's been clean since July, that he wants to open a wrestling school, and that he's no longer in the WWF. In a Calgary Sun story, Smith said, "I was involved in that (Hart) family for 20 years and I'm sad to say it was the worst 20 years I ever had." That led Bret Hart to speak out to defend his family name, and he said, "If it wasn't for my family and the opportunities my father gave him, Davey would still be working in the Wigan mines. He's talking about a dysfunctional family at the same time he has taken off with my brother Bruce's wife--you're right in the thick of it, buddy." (It's amazing how much of the Hart family drama played out in the Calgary Sun over the years.)
  • The Chyna issue of Playboy reportedly sold more than a million copies, while the first Sable issue did around 800,000. Dave expects a lot more WWF women in Playboy considering those kinds of numbers.
WEDNESDAY: Paul Heyman in talks to sell ECW, Antonio Inoki's New Year's Eve show, Vince McMahon Playboy interview, WCW fires Mark Madden, and more...
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Mar. 30, 1998

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUS YEARS ARCHIVE: 1991199219931994199519961997
1-5-1998 1-12-1998 1-19-1998 1-27-1998
2-2-1998 2-9-1998 2-16-1998 2-23-1998
3-2-1998 3-9-1998 3-16-1998 3-23-1998
  • The issue opens with the death of American MMA fighter Douglas Dedge who died from brain injuries suffered in a fight in Ukraine. It's a long story but TL;DR as you can imagine, this isn't good news for the fledgling sport, which is already struggling to stay alive in the face of government scrutiny over the perceived dangers. Political opponents of MMA have been waiting for something like this to happen and they wasted no time in jumping on it. Even though it wasn't a UFC event, that hasn't stopped UFC from taking the brunt of the bad publicity. Dedge was punched into tapping out and immediately stood up after the fight ended, but then collapsed again. He went into a coma and never woke up, dying 2 days later. Former UFC co-owner Art Davie (who now co-owns K-1 America after UFC fired him) sent a letter to UFC and, conveniently enough, also sent the letter to Arizona senator John McCain and several cable and PPV companies, saying that MMA wasn't a sport and that UFC should be banned and even plugging his own new kickboxing promotion. So obviously, his motives for sending this letter are questionable to say the least (here's the video of the fight. Fair warning: you'll basically be watching a guy die).
WATCH: Douglas Dedge MMA fight
  • Scott Hall has checked himself into rehab again, almost exactly a year to the date that he did it last time. Hall is expected to be gone for at least 30 days. Last year, WCW caught a lot of flack for continuing to promote Hall when they knew he wasn't going to be appearing at shows. This time, they didn't mention his name once on Nitro and are no longer advertising him for house shows. This comes just a few weeks after the death of Louie Spicolli, who was a close friend of Hall's. Dave also mentions that 2 years ago, around this same time, Hall was suspended by WWF for testing positive for marijuana on the same day he gave notice that he was going to WCW.
  • The Academy Awards, usually one of the top 2 or 3 rated TV shows of the year, aired head-to-head against both Raw and Nitro this week and yet both shows still managed to do strong ratings, which is phenomenal considering most shows get eaten alive by the Oscars. Basically every week or two, both Nitro and Raw seem to be setting ratings records and not even the Oscars seem to be able to slow them down. Interestingly enough, Raw actually won a quarter-hour segment in the ratings for the first time in over a year, but WCW still owned the night. But WWF is undeniably beginning to close the gap. In related news, a recent Raw aired on Tuesday because it was preempted by another show. That Tuesday episode of Raw, without facing Nitro competition, did a pretty monster rating also and has USA considering possibly moving Raw to Tuesdays, but it's still premature to speculate on whether it will actually happen. Besides, Dave says that if Raw moves to Tuesdays, WCW would likely just move Nitro to Tuesday also. One final note: these big time Raw ratings were for taped shows, which once again proves that taped vs. live has no bearing at all on ratings. (not sure if you've heard, but turns out wrestling was pretty damn popular in the late 90s).
  • Les Thatcher will be promoting a Brian Pillman benefit show next month and he's managed to do the impossible: bring WWF, WCW, and ECW together under one roof. WWF has agreed to send Steve Austin and Sunny to co-host the show (but not wrestle). WCW will provide the main event, Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. And ECW is sending Al Snow vs. Chris Candido. The rest of the show will be various indie wrestlers. All the money will go to Pillman's family.
  • Eric Bischoff appeared on TSN's Off The Record show, mostly to respond to Vince McMahon's comments on the show the week before. While Vince came off charming, confident, slightly out-of-touch, and somewhat dishonest, Bischoff came off as far more open and honest, but also defensive and somewhat arrogant. Dave says that a lot of the wrestlers who have worked for both Bischoff and McMahon say that Bischoff doesn't seem to care about the wrestlers, while Vince at least acts like he cares even though most feel like it's just a facade and that Vince doesn't care about them either. Bischoff is far more blunt with his opinions and is less liked by his employees than McMahon. But those same people also say they trust Bischoff to be honest with them far more than they do McMahon. During their interviews, both men refused to admit to their obvious mistakes (McMahon when talking about the Melanie Pillman interview, Bischoff when he refused to admit in hindsight that firing Steve Austin was a mistake).
  • Other notes from the interview: Bischoff claimed that much of McMahon's success was because of the talent, not because of McMahon's alleged promotional genius. Bischoff pointed out how both Hogan and Randy Savage already had the gimmicks that made them famous before coming to WWF and in Hogan's case, he was already a huge international star from his years in AWA and NJPW. Or in the cases of gimmicks that really hit, it was usually the talent that came up with it (Bischoff noted Scott Hall's Razor Ramon gimmick, which was Hall's idea and was basically just his old WCW Diamond Studd gimmick with a Scarface twist. Bischoff claimed Vince originally wanted Hall to do a G.I. Joe-style gimmick). As for Vince's claim that WWF was winning everything other than the ratings war, Bischoff disputed that too, saying WCW is leading in PPV buys (true) and that WCW is outdrawing WWF in house shows so far in 1998 (also true, although it's very close). As for TV ratings, Bischoff said Tuesday afternoons, when the ratings come in, used to be exciting but now they're so used to beating WWF that it's not even a big deal anymore (he's gonna be choking on those words in a few months).
  • And still more notes from the interview, because paragraph breaks are helpful: Bischoff points out that Austin's gimmick was his own creation and that Vince's idea (The Ringmaster) flopped, but admits WWF deserves credit for pushing Austin to the moon when he got over. As for firing Austin, Bischoff said Austin was injured a lot and they felt like Austin wasn't being honest with WCW about his injuries, which is why they fired him. Said Austin in WWF is "a big fish in a small pond" and he wouldn't be a top star in WCW. Talks about meeting Vince in 1990 for an announcer tryout and admits he wasn't a good announcer back then. Bischoff also admitted that he came up with the NWO concept after seeing the NJPW vs. UWFI feud in Japan in 1995. Says Lex Luger was originally supposed to be the 3rd man and then Sting but he figured both were too predictable, so they made the decision to go with Hogan 4 days before the show (Dave calls bullshit on that one, since he knew 10 days before the show that it would be Hogan). Said WCW plans to do a Hogan vs. Hart angle sooner or later and that it won't be a U.S. vs. Canada angle like WWF did. Regarding rumors that Bret was going to show up on Nitro with the WWF title the night after Survivor Series, Bischoff said "absolutely not" and explained how the circumstances were different from the Madusa WWF women's title incident. Given Hart's contract situation and WCW's ongoing lawsuits with WWF, he said there was no chance whatsoever that Hart would have shown up on Nitro that night. When questioned about all of WCW's top stars being over 40, Bischoff name dropped guys like Mysterio, Guerrero, Benoit and Jericho but the host pointed out that they're all mid-card guys and not presented as main eventers but Bischoff sorta dodged the question. And finally, he said McMahon tries to portray the wrestling war as himself vs. big bad billionaire Ted Turner, but Bischoff says Turner's involvement in WCW is minimal and that he actually only talks to Turner maybe twice a year. Eric Bischoff says he is the one kicking Vince's ass, not Ted Turner. (Weirdly enough, I can't find video of Bischoff's interview, but here's a more in-depth recap with a lot of exact quotes):
READ: Eric Bischoff on TSN's "Off The Record" in-depth recap
  • Promo Azteca has taped a few demo shows with higher production values in an attempt to sell them to a network to air in the U.S. WCW is reportedly interested in airing it as their own Lucha show and is willing to pay for the extra production costs. On the flip side, WWF is interested in doing their own Mexican show called WWF Latino and have been negotiating with Televisa in Mexico about airing a show, but it's all in the discussion phases for now.
  • Giant Baba has finalized the deal with WWF for Vader to appear at AJPW's upcoming Tokyo Dome show. There have been discussions for a relationship beyond that but the problem is basically....Baba is cheap. He's still stuck in the old mindset of paying a headliner around $10,000 per week. But when you're trying to sell out the Tokyo Dome and you need to bring in special attractions and gate money is potentially in the millions, it takes more than 10K to get a top WWF star. Baba won't put any serious money on the table for big time foreign names, so WWF ain't biting.
  • A 19-year-old named Takeshi Morishima debuted for AJPW this week. Word is they're really high on him and he has great potential since he's a tall guy with a lot of skill and a judo background (he's mostly known for being one of the top names for NOAH and also a former ROH world champion. He retired in 2015 due to health issues but still helps run NOAH behind the scenes).
  • NJPW rookie Shinya Makabe (better known these days as Togi Makabe) suffered a broken leg in a match last week and will be out for awhile.
  • Randy Hales' new promotion Memphis Power Pro Wrestling debuted sooner than anticipated, holding their first show at Lady Luck Casino in Tunica, MS. It was basically the same group of people who have been working Jerry Lawler's casino shows for months, including Lawler himself, Sid Vicious, Bill Dundee, Tracy Smothers, etc. Despite basically being the exact same promotion as USWA, on paper, the company is 100% owned by Randy Hales, since he has no part in the ongoing legal mess from USWA. Speaking of...
  • The legal situation over the demise of USWA got messier this week. Mark Selker filed a 200-page lawsuit against Lawler and Larry Burton, alleging conspiracy to defraud. Vince McMahon and several others are also named in the suit as co-conspirators, but not as defendants. The suit claims McMahon lied to Selker about the potential value of USWA in regard to advertising revenue that the promotion could bring in.
  • A&E will be airing a 2 hour special called The Unreal Story of Pro Wrestling featuring interviews from many of the biggest names in the business (this is actually a pretty good documentary. I could only find it broken down into 7 videos. Here's Part 1 and it should automatically play the next part).
WATCH: The Unreal Story of Pro Wrestling (Pt. 1)
  • Many in WCW are expecting that Syxx will be brought back. Hogan and Kevin Nash have been talking about doing a storyline to use the real-life heat between them, including the firing of Syxx, to work an angle where Nash would headline against Hogan, which pacifies Nash somewhat since he's been vocally unhappy about being held below Hogan's level.
  • There's also rumors of Ultimate Warrior heading to WCW and it was even referenced by Mark Madden on the WCW Hotline. Dave says that 95% of the time, when you hear rumors about Warrior returning, they're false but in this case, there might be some truth to it. There's been talk of him working a couple of WCW PPVs in late 1998. Dave doesn't know if it's going to pan out but he says it'll surely bump ratings up in the short-term. Of course, Warrior has a known track record so he probably won't last in WCW long term, which is okay because aside from a short-term curiosity boost in ratings or buyrate for his first match, Warrior isn't good for much in the long run anyway.
  • ECW has sold out 15 consecutive shows in a row. Meanwhile, WCW had sold out 20 in a row, but that streak came to an end last week in Cincinnati.
  • Notes from the latest Nitro: Lodi suffered a legit broken ankle when catching Psicosis outside the ring during a spot. DDP vs. Sting was possibly Sting's best match in years. Chris Jericho was fantastic and hilarious yet again and has just been killing it the last few weeks. The Giant has been legitimately gaining a bunch of weight and when the announcers said he's 493, it's not an exaggeration.
WATCH: Lodi vs. Psicosis (injury at 3:36)
  • Kevin Wacholz, formerly Nailz in the WWF, is expected to join WCW and be part of the NWO and get a big push (nah never happened). Dave recaps the incident from 1991 where Nailz attacked Vince McMahon and choked him over his Summerslam payoff and then filed a police report claiming McMahon sexually assaulted him. Nailz then testified against McMahon in the steroid trial and was so obviously full of shit that it actually helped McMahon rather than hurt him. Dave seems befuddled that anyone would hire this guy and says, "Next thing you know, somebody can O.J. his girlfriend and get a job in this profession. Hell, they can do that and afterwards be considered for the Hall of Fame in this profession." Chris Benoit respectfully disagrees.
  • Latest update on the Jim Carrey "Man on the Moon" movie about the life of Andy Kaufman: Jimmy Hart will play himself but it's believed they may not actually call the wrestler in the movie Jerry Lawler because it's being produced by a Time Warner company. So they will tell the story of the wrestling angle, but it's believed it'll just be a fictional wrestler. WCW is actually pushing for Disco Inferno to get the part (Lawler later confirmed this in his autobiography but thankfully it didn't happen that way. Can you imagine?)
  • Notes from the latest Raw: indie wrestler Christopher Daniels, who wrestles as Fallen Angel, worked a dark match before the show. Rocky Maivia is great. Vince Russo appeared on TV as part of an angle with Sable and Luna Vachon.
  • John Tenta and Steven Regal are reportedly close to signing deals with WWF.
  • Shawn Michaels will work Wrestlemania but it's expected that he won't be wrestling again for a long time afterward (boy, I'll say).
  • Someone who attended the Eddie Gilbert memorial show put on by Dennis Coraluzzo writes in and talks about the show, specifically about Coraluzzo and Gilbert's mom cutting promos burying Paul Heyman and claiming he stole ECW from Gilbert. Dave responds and says he doesn't really think a memorial show is the classiest place to be burying people. He also says the story between Gilbert and Heyman over ECW is a lot more complicated than Heyman allegedly backstabbing Gilbert and stealing it and for Coraluzzo to simplify it to that extent is pure fiction.
FRIDAY: Wrestlemania 14 fallout, X-Pac debuts in WWF, news on Antonio Inoki's upcoming retirement, and more...
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Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review (Spoilers)

Written Friday December 15, 2017 - the day after opening night. Enjoy! #Maythe4thBeWithYou

Here it is: I decided to write everything out because I obviously have too many feelings to process lol #allthefeels. A movie that has already proven to be a fairly polarizing 2nd (or 9th, if we're really counting) entry into the Star Wars metaverse deserves some cathartic play-by-play analysis. After all, that's more than half the fun (and point) of being a SW fan, is it not? Obvious disclaimer for SPOILERS, and I only saw the movie once - Thursday premiere night. Without further ado... here I go. *deep Lamaze breaths.
Comparison: Empire.
Let's be honest: with an ominous title and precedent-breaking RED Star Wars logo, it was inevitable that this second entry in this trilogy would illicit endless comparison to it's predecessor - namely, Empire, the 2nd SW movie ever in the OG trilogy, which has a darker tone and is widely regarded as the "Best" SW movie ever by fans - arguably, I might add. (IMO, A New Hope is the best SW movie of all time. BUT I DIGRESS) Considering how much TFA was designed after A New Hope, for better or for worse, it would be no surprise that The Last Jedi would mirror, borrow, or dare I say steal from Empire: major elements, settings, plot lines, et al. Fans and I alike were simultaneously loathed and relieved to find that this was both true and... not true, in this case.
Let's break it down via Empire lines:
Thankfully, nobody's hand was severed or body was carbon-frozen. (Let's not get all Starkiller Base on us again.) Elements were certainly borrowed, but I don't think it was a hammer over the head in the same way that TFA was to A New Hope. A lot of the reviews are citing how "different" and "surprising" the plot twists and storyline went, and I will give Rian Johnson credit there. This was certainly not a carbon copy of Empire because, while borrowing fairly obvious major elements - Yoda/Luke and Luke/Rey being the most - it does its own thing with them....that doesn't always work out for the best, however.
  1. Dagobah vs the Island (Ach-To, or whatever.)
I think a lot of us expected (and were ready for) some head-on Yoda training of Rey. Give us a training montage. Knock her to her feet, do handstands, and make her lift that X-fighter from under the ocean (Did anyone catch that down there!?). OK - we don't need the whole she-bang, but give us something. I get that Luke is in no way the same master or teacher as Yoda, and he was going through this whole crotchety old-man complex and didn't actually want to train her. But when he and the movie actually got around to it... what even happened, really? We were treated to, frankly, weird and beautiful but unexplained cinematographic sequences (life! death! balance? and a dark seaweed-y dark tunnel?... ultimately leading to fun with mirrors? so many Reys, so few parents). My issue with them is this whole "training" period - which is a significant if not major crux of the whole movie - is that she's not really trained at all. Luke is basically like, "You're scary, Rey. ...OK, I'll watch you swing around my light saber." Like, what? I feel like the trailer gave the same level of impact of Rey's whole training on that damned island. She goes there, she gets trained eventually, and then she's a stronger Jedi - excuse me, er, "Force User." The movie really dragged its feet with this, and not in a satisfying way to me.
In Empire, you were on Dagobah forever but were enraptured by Luke's fear, frustration, and mystery over the force and his training (not to mention the charm of puppet-Yoda, bless him). Here, I couldn't wait to get off the island. I feel like I was stuck on LOST. Nothing was happening, the main mystery was "What Did Luke REALLY DO to Ben?", Rey talked to Kylo Ren a lot, Rey and Luke stalked each other... and - perhaps most insulting of all - our entertainment/comedic relief was pulled out of admittedly cute but pretty ridiculous creatures. More on all the creatures below, but for now: I'm anti-porg (hated all the random noise placements), and pro-caretakers - cute and funny. BUT - do you see what I mean? How was this adding to anything? We were charmed and entertained by Yoda and Luke all on their own as characters - their dynamic, struggles, values taught, etc. Here, it was like... welcome to the Island! We're, here... on the island. There are cute things and some mysteries. Train yourself Rey and leave as you like. See what I mean? Similar to Empire, but... not really, or at all, a better or improved version just by being different from it.
The saving graces are Daisy and Mark Hamill, who deliver strong and captivating performances as expected. Sadly, it's the writing and script here that fail them. Point is: this is a majothe plot point of this movie, Rey's training and answers as a Force User. Sure- what's happening with the Resistance is important, but the mythology and magic of this SW story is getting built with Rey. While necessary to bring her to the island with Luke, I just think our time there was a bit wasted. Too much "lemme follow Luke" ... "lemme follow Rey"... "oh look, another Porg!" *holds head in hands.
  1. Rebels vs The Resistance
Meanwhile - because this movie, as SW movies are apt to do, requires a lot if Meanwhiles - the Resistance is stuck. They're out of fuel, tracked by the Empire after a mission, and getting clipped down. ...totally sounds familiar, right? In Empire, they run and hide - but get caught. They had the benefit of a budding romance with Han & Leia, and chemistry between them all - Chewie included. Here: they try to run, but are stuck. My issue is what they do to make it different this time, instead of Astroid Fields and a Cloud City: I guess they went with "A Codebreaker" and "Political Mutiny."
I have to admit: it must be really challenging to figure out to do with the Rebel/Resistance story arc. I'm sure when they sat down to write this script, they thought "OK: while Rey is off being important, what can we give the Resistance to do and make it fun, compelling, and just as consequential?" -Sadly, I think they really struggled here. It becomes the major middle of the movie, which just drags. Here was their solution: Introduce 3 new characters; go on adventures; solve the problem, and combine the plotlines. go.
First, as I'll discuss below with the Crowded Cast, the new characters (with the exception of Kelly Marie Tran) don't really amount to any new, exciting chemistry. It's less of a family, and more of a clusterf*ck to figure out what to do next... and then some.
Second: The Go on Adventures part was, simply put, random. Finn and Rose's romp to the casino land was a great plug/opportunity for a Mos Eisley Cantina - feel, not to mention pretty incredible wardrobe and set design. I felt mesmerized watching that first long shot of the casino: over the top, significant attention to detail, and fabulous. I do like the backstory we get on the planet's riches from sales to the Empire. Still, those are the highlights, but its all... random. and very quick. I don't want something to just "be a highlight" - it should have some purpose and add to the story. Otherwise, we're in prequel territory (Naboo is beautiful! ...so what?) The rest: "Find the Codebreaker" mission, randomly given by Maz - just seemed silly, and they didn't even manage to make contact with mustached Justin Thoreaux - settling for Benicio Del Toro in jail. Again, all random, and all just kinda like... ok, *shrug*, I'll just go with this? I know that's the spirit of SW - being a ragtag crew that just "figures it out" as you go. Here, however, they give a lot of twists and turns that your head is in a tailspin. They're in the casino, then in jail, but now they're riding creatures, but they got caught, but DJ saved them, but then he sold them out...? You're left feeling like, Wow. what was the point of that at all.
Meanwhile ... Mutiny is afoot! Admiral Holdo vs Poe for control. Like I'm saying, it's all just like... so what? They're stuck in space and they need a solution, so Poe waits on one while Holdo pursues another one. It really feels like a placeholder, one that I think they just didn't need to develop all that much- yet, develop they did. They threw in so many twists into this plotline that felt unnecessary: we're abandoning ship?! oh - there's a planet down there? wait - leia's awake? no, wait - they're shooting us all down?... it felt like a waste of time. Sure, show them in struggle against the Empire, but let's move on. (Here, I'd like to note this movie is 2 hours and 30 minutes. that's LOTR territory, yall - not in the good way. Like, yikes.)
To summarize the Empire talk, I think they borrowed many checkpoint facts but didn't change them in truly effective ways. Let's be honest: the Empire framework is one we were all thinking about going into this. Below are more reasons why I think this movie's approach was successful... or not.
Crowded Cast.
Any true fan will tell you why the OG trilogy is the best: chemistry. Carrie, Mark, and Harrison had on-screen spark that continues to last 40 years later. All they had was droids and a walking carpet in Chewbacca as successful, impactful sidekicks (...forgetting the Ewoks, mind you.) We didn't need more. Even when Lando shows up, it's not a big deal - because it feels natural. Characters aren't just being thrown in and added just for the sake of more characters. (If they are, it's for some plot point or twist that really pushes things along. Lando case in point: Empire needed a double-agent to get Han carbon-frozen & bring Luke out of Dagobah to encounter Vader, get hand cut off, hang from a Cloud City antenna, etc.)
I really thought in TFA, we were building to just that kind of "family" power. In our trio this time around, I think it was a solid effort at re-emulating what once was - The jokes and "banter" in TFA was believable, and you liked them as a crew. A family.
Unfortunately, this is less like a family of a cast than ever before; It's more meta, like: Here's this conflict in space that obviously involves hundreds of characters. Let's give each of them a little spotlight. There really is just too, too much going on character-wise. I'm just going to go at this bullet style with all the ancillary characters, because I have all of the complaints.
Overall, I have been incredibly disappointed with the dark side in this new trilogy. Not menacing, threatening, or even "dark" at all. Throwaway characters. The fact that it can basically be made a joke - Emo Kylo Ren on SNL; Hux's ridiculous flailing and fails - is telling. Now, the light side:
Basically: it's crowded. It's like double the cast with half the punch. It's part of why I criticized Rogue One: ensemble cast that seems thrown together, just for the sake of being together. I think Laura Dern and Benicio Del Toro, hands down, just should not have been added. I'm hoping they can revitalize the familial feel we got in TFA in episode IX; I think we will, now that we got that reunion scene and JJ will be back.
Separately, the OGs:
Is this still Star Wars?
One of the more shocking allegations by angry twitterverse is that this movie "RUINED" SW, and that this "isn't a SW movie at all." Especially saying this is worse than Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones! Can it be? I ultimately have to disagree. There are light sabers, the Force, Luke and Leia, spaceship battles, and droids. Also, it splits characters/storylines up in stupid ways on "adventures" that all eventually pull together and make sense (we guess). it's DEF still SW.
I do see their point, however. SW is a space battle/family drama, but you can't help but feel it's pull into different territories on this one. For one, I mentioned the Crowded Cast issue. My most immediate comparison on this one is Battlestar Galactica: stellar ensemble cast & chemistry, with very similar cat-&-mouse chases from the bad guys in space. Sadly, I just don't think SW is built for this kind of meta-character building. That's my main critique for this feeling less "SW".
Second: The chemistry. The humor, comedic relief, and jokes. I mean, where are we going with these? I'm mostly okay with a lot of the "easier" funny moments, because there are a lot of those in the OG trilogy; all it took was one Chewie growl to get us going. I'm glad they didn't do away with them completely - this is still mass entertainment after all. However, I do think they simply went overboard on this one. Ex: The milked BB-8's abilities way too far; is he really capable of taking out multiple humans? It felt a little like Guardians of the Galaxy but with a lot less natural comedic punch. Again, I credit that to chemistry and the crowded cast: there wasn't a lot of opportunity to build much on what was created in TFA. We got it out of Rose, Poe and Finn in limited doses; not much else. Otherwise, we were given a lot of Porgs. Please, let Jar Jar and Ewoks be a lesson of late.
The Last Jedi is totally a SW movie; however, it does admittedly feel different. I would say it feels stretched. Strained. A little frenetic & confused. It does all find itself by the end, but rather than all that being "Ah, The Plan All Along," it feels more like... "Oh, thank god they got there."
Action Sequences
One way it is totally SW, however, and I'm glad they did this justice: epic light saber battles. This struck a golden, perfect balance between the aerobatic, choreographed prequel fights to the more raw, emboldened OG trilogy fights that focus on face and grit. The climax fight is one to behold and is going down in the pantheon as one of the best, likely a top 5. Snoke's chamber and that red backlight is fantastic - ominous, bloody. A little shocked by how good those guards were; where the hell did they get trained? I'm sure we'll get more Kylo vs Rey in episode IX. Rey, thank god, has stepped up her game - treating it like an actual sword instead of a heavy hammer to drag. (But do you see what I mean about there being too much going on this entire movie? I totally forgot that Kylo Ren even had a crossguard lightsaber. like, completely.)
The space sequences are, as predicted, breathtaking and exciting. Wouldn't expect less. In the middle "we're out of fuel!" part of the movie, it does just feel like being stuck on a chess set piece; that's claustrophobic, but not really in the captivating way here. Not like Gravity. More like... I got tired of playing chess and left the board overnight & forgot it was there for a week. and i dont care.
Cringe-worthy.
There were truly a lot, like a lot, of cringes here. These are undeniable, in fact, and simply cannot be done away with. The movie lives with them forever. *sucks teeth*
-Creatures
There were, simply, a lot of creatures this time around. Here's some reactions to the greatest hits:
One can't help but see the commercial angle in throwing the kitchen sink in with these creatures: they're automatic money machines to cash in on Christmas plush toys, not to mention drawings, books/resources to develop in on their stories/backgrounds, etc. Creatures are also a hallmark of SW. Again, though, you can't help but feel like it was a bit overdone here. I hardly remember any creatures from TFA, other than the octopus. (See? That was a fun adventure - and we met Han that way.)
Cliffhangers/Theories
Conclusion
If you read this far, you need to get a life - much like myself. Ultimately, my word on The Last Jedi is: B. OK. I think there was a lot riding on this movie: It was going to determine how a huge leg of this new trilogy was going to continue and be as an identity, really. TFA did a beautiful job building the legwork, and Last Jedi was both a surprise and let down in many ways. You can't snuff the highlights that made it shine: Canto Bight's casino, the light saber duels, Daisy and Mark, and Kelly Marie Tran. It just needed a lot of editing, which it clearly didn't get enough of at it's running time. The Cringes shoot down at this film significantly.
Most importantly to me: Part of what makes SW fantastic isn't exploding ships and sword fights; plenty of movies have just that. What makes us fans is the draw of their mythology, continuing/evolving story, and feeling like we're on-board with the "Family" of characters we love the whole way through. It's why I love many installments of Final Fantasy, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, and GOT: it's character-based, character development that gets breathtaking. I think Last Jedi may have lost the heart of that, by nature of feeling random, sloppy, and going too long without going much of anywhere. I'm certainly glad to be off the island and out of that awful Chess-like impasse between their spaceships. Moments with Yoda and Luke separately were strong and kept the heart of SW. Still, there were just a lot of choices... too many polarizing choices. the kind you can't come back from, and that really get the movie off the swing of things.
I will obviously be re-watching and contemplating for weeks to come. Ah, to be a SW fan! Feels good. (and a little sad, but good all the same).
submitted by brianctan to StarWarsTheLastJedi [link] [comments]

Me [13 M]with my Sister [23 F] Getting a big financial crutch because of her "Addictions"

I never ask for anything because it is for the best of my family's money. And because I don't feel like I deserve it but my sister has a smoking addiction, gambling addiction and a spending habit so she runs around spending money and my parents end up hardly being able to cover for her problems. She knows that they end up having to pay for her bills too she just has the mindset of "As long as the family can pay for my problems I don't need to fix them!"
And I sit here annoyed at her because of it. And I have tried to bring up the issue to her but it consists of her yelling at me and saying "I don't want to talk about it!" And now she wants a PS4 even though she could have bought herself one multiple times saddest part is she is probably gonna get it anyway. And when she wants to gamble and you don't give her money she just throws a tantrum about it. And we have already got her in Gambler's Anonymous but she doesn't accept the help. And it feels like my entire childhood has been filled with her gambling issues.
Sometimes I feel like I am costing my parents even more to feed and have running water for I honestly consider running away to not be an issue to them.
UPDATE 1
I have never really had any friends to go to and my parents are always worried of me going into the outside world even to go to a park. They don't know I want to run so they are just keeping me in. And if you managed to get a better look at the comments I haven't been able to get medical or dental check ups since I was 10 years old.
I also had this one friend in 5th grade he ended up backstabbing us and stealing things from the family making my parents lose trust in the crowd I hang out with. Which I hardly hang out with people and I have lost faith in myself all I have left is to vent all of my problems to my childhood friend I met in the 1st grade. He is only a kid and doesn't know what he can do. And I have tried to keep all of this private because if my sister knew I was telling others of her problems which are making my life hard she would probably let me have less privacy so she knows I am not telling anybody "So called over exaggerated lies" Which I know I am not lying because I have seems thousands deposited from her bank account then my mothers and grandmothers. And I can't have my door shut in my own room. Why?, Because she heard me talking about family problems once with my childhood friend. I have to wait for her to go to work before I even say a word... Sorry for this slightly depressing update but I'll have more updates to come.
UPDATE 2
This will be in like a script form because it will be easier to understand
Me: I want to help our mother pay these bills
Sister: You're Thirteen!
Me: So what?, Why is it that my age has to effect my ambitions of supporting our mother so it's easier for her to pay bills?
Sister: You're Thirteen!, You shouldn't be working it would be illegal and by the time you would be working you would be saying "Oh I don't actually like working!"
Me: I am motivated to help this family to the point that I will stick to my statement because I am inspired you just need to understand that!
Sister: I am not dealing with this! Mom take my spot I am going into your room!
Mother: You don't need to help me, I am fine.
Me: No you are not I hear about the problems you are having.
Mother: Well they shouldn't even be stressing you out.
Me: Well if I can't help you by working I hope you understand giving her money isn't going to solve her problem
Mother: She won tonight and she got some money.
Me: She probably has lost enough to buy us a new house....
Mother: We should be happy that she won something tonight.
Me: You need to stop giving her money to gamble it just makes it harder to p-
Sister: YOU ARE TOO FURIOUS TO BE OUT HERE JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM! (Which by the way she was all the way downstairs and came out of the room just to yell)
Me: You are the one yelling!
Sister: GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Me: FINE THEN I AM SORRY YOU HATE TO HEAR THE TRUTH!
(I then walked to my room and decided to make a low blow at this point which I probably shouldn't have)
Me: OH YEAH I FORGOT I CAN'T EVEN HAVE MY DOOR CLOSED YOU'LL JUST RIP IT BACK OPEN!
(And after this long angry arguement my mother told me that I am going to need to get a therapist and how I shouldn't blame everything on my sister and how I shouldn't be cutting her down so much and it was in her own right to defend herself and I should apologize. I have one question for this update, Should I apologize or should I hold my ground?)
UPDATE 3
It's 5:32 AM right now I can't even sleep thinking about all of this. Also I am afraid to sleep because in the night I have been sleep walking and talking in my sleep. And I don't want to have my sister use any of what I say to get a reason to look into my everything even more than she has already. Which usually results in me passing out and waking up at about 3-4 PM. Only real reason why I wake up from my coma like passing out is because someone is yelling at me to get up and how I need to get to bet at a more decent time and then I have the trash to take out and the dog to watch so she doesn't run away [Don't blame her, Her owner is the issue of this family. Heh bad jokes.] And I have been starting my days off like that for about a week now. And I don't even know what is safe for me to take so I can sleep correctly because I am not even able to talk to a doctor! Enough rambling about. Maybe I should talk about what started to have me consider to even think about trying to get emancipated.
There was about a month of school left and I knew this girl who was depressed that needed help I tried to convice my parents to let me have her over here after being good friends with her for two years. I told my grandmother about her and my grandmother said she seemed like a nice girl and my mother doesn't really care and then when my sister found out about this oh-ho. She immediately started interrogating me asking me her full name if she has any social media and why I am friends with her. I said to my sister "You are really trying to find a reason to not have my only trustworthy friend over great now I have no friends and no one to hang out with for the summer" next thing you know she slams the laptop shut goes into my grandmother's room and starts bickering about it and I can hear it from the living room and next thing you know tommorow my grandmother says to me is "Your sister does not aprove of you bringing a female into the house" By this time I was angry and this was around the time my sister took all of my privacy away from the venting to my childhood friend. And when she took my privacy my mom read some of my short storys and said "It would be a great idea if you two wrote to each other so you wouldn't have to talk to each other but you can still communicate"
My sister then gets a notebook for us to write in first thing I try to explain to her is this girl and how I am trying to help her with her depression. Wait I have the notebook here let me quote it.
"She was always an outcast of the school and she always has had no friends because they all backstab her and I thought I could help her and see if I could do what I could so she wouldn't be in such a bad situation I hope you understand what I am trying to say"
Response I get from my sister a few days later.
"I know that's not what you are trying to do you are not ready for a romantic relationship at your age and you should avoid it because it is not worth getting into because you don't have the money to support a child"
I have never felt so angry to the point of taking that book and whacking her upside the head with it. But I kept it together and just pretended like I never read the response.
two weeks left of school that depressed girl. Was going to try and commit suicide I got a response one day saying "I just can't do it I always get backstabbed by my friend my family doesn't even care about it and I sit here just letting it happen to me I can't keep myself together anymore"
At this point I was worried. So I called her cellphone No Response I call her homephone No Response So I am freaking out right now as my only friend that lives near me and the only one I really have other than the one I vent to which is states away from me. Is about to commit suicide so I then call my parents which are at a bar and this is what ends up happening.
Me: Mom!?
Sister: What's wrong?
Me: Let me speak to our mother!
Sister: Your son is freaking out, You better take this...
Me: Mom are you there?
Mother: Yes, What is wrong?
Me: Should I call the cops?
Mother: Why?
Me: ___ Is trying to kill herself and she won't answer!
Mother: ____ I don't know what to tell your brother you take it.
Sister: Don't do it, You are too paranoid about this one girl
Me: Really? A young girl's life is at stake and you are telling me not to!?
Sister: You shouldn't do it, That is her life not your's you don't need to interfere
Me: I grew up with our mom and grandmother telling us to call the cops when there is an emergency does this seem like an emergency to you!?
Sister: You will see her tomorrow don't do anything about it okay she is fine.
Me: IF YOUR ONLY FRIEND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE YOU WOULD DAMN WELL BELIEVE IT'S AN EMERGENCY AND YOU ARE SITTING HERE AT THE BAR JUST TELLING ME IT'S NOT!?
Sister: I am gonna call you back when you calm down and start making sense
Me: YOU BETTER HELP M-
Hangs up
And at that point I couldn't bring myself to call the cops because my sister was telling me this and I wanted to do what she said and if I saw that girl on local news I would blame her about that for as long as I could remember so I could have her feel the guilt because at that moment I was angry at her.
I ended up going to school the next day and found her cleaning out her locker and I quickly found the time to run up to her and ask her if she was okay. she said "Yeah I am alright my family ended up waking up because someone called us I don't know who it was but I kinda regret trying that" At that moment I noticed I saved a life.
But I found it ridiculous how my sister hears that a girl is trying to kill herself and shrugged it off like it was nothing. And when my sister took all of my privacy away she told me to stop venting with friends on the internet "Which is the only way I can communicate with my childhood friend" And go make some real friends. Then I do make a friend and my sister judges me even after I find a friend and save a life.
I am hoping to make another update tommorow and if you see any writting with a script looking format it is usually a conversation on a cellphone or a long conversation. Any who these updates are all over the place before this post after this post. Just consider these updates as more information on my situation and as always a question [What is your opinion on how my sister told me to deal with the issue?]
UPDATE 4
After the argument my family had last night over the gambling my mother said to me "As long as you are under this roof you are not going to be getting a job until you are 18" And that basically stopped all chances of me helping them but I gave it one last effort and said "With the time I can put into a part time job I could try to pay for college!" My mother replies with "Well you shouldn't have to work to pay for college because if you are trying your hardest in school you should have scholarships for your college"
I think about this conversation and what I have noticed is. My brother is having financial troubles and he wants to stay with his fiancé but he is hardly paying for it and asking my mother for money while my sister just takes more money just to waste it by gambling and I feel like all of the eyes in this house are on me because I am a last resort. Which is stressing me out because I try my best but I don't do as good as my mom always thinks I do. She acts like I am a kid who gets straight A's and when really I am a kid that is a little above average with B's sometimes C's and even though I try I lose inspiration to try because I hear all of the things teachers say about me. My science teacher said to another teacher that "I always have to spoon feed him every single problem and he needs to grow up and do it himself" He wasn't even quiet about it he just said it at his own leisure as he looked at me. While my social studies teacher yelled at me in the class infront of all of the kids because I wasn't finished with a 9 page DBQ that I wasn't finished with which I was gone for the first four days of it because of a fever. And he gave me no help at all. And my math teacher yelled at me and said I will never learn how to organize myself and succeed. This math teacher also lost us kids in the forest on a field trip and we were in that forest until about 4:30 which school is out at 3:00 and she said that it was our fault and we all were furious with her because there were about 12 or 13 of us lost together. And when I came home with mud and murky water all over my pants and shirt and my shoes got lost because of the tight deep mud my parents didn't do any but say "Well that's horrible." No other concern. [What would you say if your kids teacher got him and other kids lost in the forest?]
Update 5:
It has been a few months and I am planning for emancipation when I am able to get a part-time job. My sister is proceeding to smoke around me and gamble and my family still continues to smoke around me. I had a long talk with my father. (My mother told my father to get out of her life and which he didn't want to make my life awful by taking her to court with me being 7 at the time.) And I have told him what is going on around here. My father then told me my sister was the reason my brother moved away with his girlfriend he is 27 now. My family is still holding up their act of enabling her. I have had a serious conversation with my mother about this. And she told me "I raised my child not to get beat down on and you need to stop beating down on her she is trying to fix herself!" She is just picking favorites. She isn't even trying she has asked my mother for money for the casino just recently! And I hear my sister is going out to "See a friend" Which ends up being code for. "I will go gamble and buy cigarettes and my mother will pay for every bill I have" I am getting sick of this and am planning for emancipation... I know this is what I feel is best considering ever since I was little. I think back to when I was around six years old. My family would always smoke around me. I ended up getting asthma and they didn't even blink an eye. They thought it was natural not the years of smoke that has gone down my lungs. I was never really able to go outside unless it was them transporting me from and to school. And my sister is a loose cannon when it comes to her gambling. She won't try and stop and she has asked me for money before. And she has yelled at me for not giving her money to gamble. I think this household is a negative place for me to be considering this is most likely where I developed my asthma and my family enables my sister to gamble which she just gets angry when no one can cover her bills. And which she only let's out her anger on the first person she sees. I just want to be out of here once I am 16. I will be able to work a part time job. I could support myself. I know it will be a rocky road with having to work and go to school and have to pay for bills and support myself. But it would rather be a better life than with this emotionally abusive family... I would honestly appreciate advice from anybody.... Maybe you could change my mind.... Maybe you could give me advice. I just need to get away from this toxic family...
tl;dr: My sister has a gambling addiction and uses it to her advantage but I don't want to be an issue by costing my family more so I want to leave.
submitted by Randompostingname to relationships [link] [comments]

[PDF] Supernova (Amulet #8) by Kazu Kibuishi

[PDF] Supernova (Amulet #8) by Kazu Kibuishi

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Details of Book
Author : Kazu Kibuishi
ISBN : B078TNLQYD
Number of pages : 208 pages
Editor : Scholastic Inc.
Date of Publication : September 25th 2018

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Emily has lost control of her Amulet and is imprisoned in the Void, where she must find a way to escape the influence of the Voice. Meanwhile, Emily's brother, Navin, travels to Lighthouse One, a space station where the Resistance is preparing to battle the approaching Shadow forces that would drain planet Alledia of all its resources. Emily and Navin must be smarter and stronger than ever to ensure Alledia's survival.

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